Cherub Cheer
by thegreatbluespoon
Summary: Sequel to A Turkey Teaser. Sara has a secret and the team wants to use it for revenge against Grissom.
1. And so it begins

**Disclaimer-** Fine I'll say it! I don't own CSI or any of the wonderful things that go along with it. I'm going to go cry now. Happy now you jerks?

**A/N-** This is a sequel to 'A turkey teaser'…as the author, I demand you read it first. ; ) You all sure weren't shy when it came to telling me you wanted this! I hope you enjoy it as much as you did the prequel my dearies.

Also…because I've been getting told that I need a friggin' beta…I thank **Kakidoll **for doing work on this. Rock on.

* * *

Sara stood alone in the locker room. She was nervous as hell. Why shouldn't she be? It was time to practice. Practice makes perfect, right? Tell Grissom at the lab…medical help will be there for him much faster than it would if she says anything at home. 

She looked at herself in the mirror. "Grissom, I'm pregnant." Simple, but no. "Griss, know how you wanted to be married _before _we had kids?" No, that was just stupid. "Honey, you're going to be a dad!" Ha! Yeah, and then a corpse.

"No way!"

Sara spun around at the sound of the voice. Why the hell was anyone even in the locker room? It was half an hour before shift started.

"You're pregnant?!"

"Um…no?"

"Yes you are!"

"Um…no?"

"Sara Sidle, don't you even dare lie to me!"

"Nick…I…um…no?"

"Oh man! You haven't told Grissom yet?"

"No. I was kind of trying to practice what to say to him when you scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry. How are you going to tell him? That man is going to flip!"

"That's what the practice was for. I don't know how to tell him."

"He doesn't want kids?"

"Nick, the man told me he wanted five kids."

"Ow." Nick winced.

"Yeah…his only thing was that we got married first and did everything together."

"_Everything_…so you didn't do…_that_?" Nick asked.

"Nicholas Stokes! How dare you think I would do something like that!" she punched him hard.

Just then, Warrick and Catherine made their way into the locker room.

Everyone around the lab still thought it was funny that the two of them showed up every day at the _exact_ same time and left at the_ exact_ same time. Sometimes they even smelled like the same shampoo. Sara and Grissom knew that mistake very well. When one would forget to buy shampoo and needed to use the others. Unmistakable sign of a couple- Warrick and Catherine still denied it though…someone's divorce wasn't quite final.

"Hey Nick, hey Sara." Came from the both of them.

The two of them greeted back and tried to quiet down their conversation so that more people –namely Catherine- wouldn't get involved.

"To me, its still gross that you and Grissom shack up."

"Shack up? That's so sweet Nick." She said sarcastically "Is that how you get all the ladies?"

"Hey Mandy and I are still doing just fine!" he said too loudly. So loudly, that it was Catherine's unofficial invitation to join them.

"I heard that Nick almost set his kitchen on fire when he made her fondue."

"That's how I get all the ladies." Nick smirked at Sara.

"By torching your own house?" she asked.

"By putting the flames out." Catherine said "Mandy has a thing for firemen."

"I could have gotten through the rest of my day without knowing that." Sara said.

"Hey baby, did I leave my shirt- what?" Warrick stopped at the death stare he was getting from Catherine.

"Baby?" Nick asked.

"So busted you two!" Sara laughed, "Why do you hide it? Its way too obvious!"

"She-Devil will take him for everything he's got if she finds out he is sleeping with someone else." Catherine sighed.

Sara mumbled something about a throat.

"What?"

"I said 'If I was you, Cath, I would just punch her in the throat, tell her to stick it in her stupid ass and walk it into divorce court'."

Catherine and Warrick physically took a step back at Sara's voiced opinion.

"Don't mind her. Its just the hormones talking." Nick said…and instantly regretted it.

"NICK!" Sara screeched.

"You're pregnant!?" came from Catherine and Warrick.

"NICK!" she yelled again as she began to rain down pregnant fists of fury on him.

"Holy crap!" Warrick yelled as he stepped in to grab Sara off of his friend.

"Sara, calm down! I didn't mean to!" Nick begged.

"Asshat!" she yelled at him.

"Asshat?" was questioned from all three of the others.

"I don't know what the hell it means! You just are one because it sounds like its something you don't want to be!" she waited for Warrick to loosen his grip. When he did, she went for Nick again. "Asshat!"

-------Six band-aids and an ice pack later-------

"Lucky you're pregnant and not a guy." Nick mumbled.

Sara responded by sticking her tongue out at him. She probably would have gone for him again…had Warrick not cuffed her to the damn bench and asked Catherine to sit between the two of them.

"Will you _please_ take the cuffs off Warrick? Unlike Catherine, I don't like it."

Catherine blushed and nodded for Warrick to go ahead and take them off.

"Sara…before I take these off, I just want you to know that I'll hang you up by your underwear if you go for Nicky again."

"Eat me." She said.

Nick smirked "Well maybe if you and Griss had thought of that before, you wouldn't be pregnant."

Catherine immediately stopped Warrick from removing the cuffs from Sara.

She was about to ask Sara something when Greg stepped into the room. "Oooh." He purred. "Well, well, well."

"Oh God." Sara groaned.

"God, Baby, Sex Pistol, you can call me whatever you'd like." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Asshat sounds good." Nick laughed.

Greg ignored him. "Whom do I have to thank for this lovely gift?" he asked, pointing at Sara.

"And people wonder why Judy broke up with you."

"She wasn't as…explorative…as I like my women." He winked at Sara and she faked a gag "You know…nativity scenes and whatnot."

"Like I could _ever_ forget, Greg."

"She isn't cuffed up as a gift for you Greg." Warrick told him.

"Well I have a serious problem with that."

"Shut up."

"Why is she cuffed, then?"

They pointed to Nick and Greg understood. Greg had felt that pain before, when, two days after Judy broke up with him, he suggested that he and Sara 'get freaky sneaky deaky' behind the lab while on break.

Nick took advantage of Sara's current state of arrest and informed Greg that his goddess was pregnant.

"Shut up!" Greg exclaimed.

"I am pregnant Greg." He started to talk but she put her hand up to stop him. "Before you ask me, _yes_, its Grissom's."

"So…why the hell has Nick been assaulted, Catherine been put on guard duty and Sara cuffed to the bench?"

"No one was supposed to find out." Warrick told him.

"Why not?" Greg asked.

Sara was about to share that information when Grissom walked into the locker room. He was smiling and happy, like he was so much more often these days since he was engaged to Sara. Then he saw the scene his workers portrayed before him.

What the hell had been going on in there?

"What the hell has been going on in here?" he asked as he took the keys from Warrick and un-cuffed his fiancé.

Sara looked at Nick in a desperate attempt to make him talk before someone else did. He was the only person that knew about Grissom being left out of the 'Sara's-gonna-have-a-little-geek-baby' loop.

Nick caught the look and spoke up. "Just…something."

Sara shot him her best 'are you that God damned retarded?' look.

"Something?" Grissom asked.

Nick tried again "For a case."

Everyone realized that Nick was covering for Sara for some reason or another and decided it was best to keep quiet.

"Is that true?' Grissom asked.

Well…there goes the plan about keeping quiet.

"Yup, sure is." Warrick lied.

"True, true!" Greg said cheerily.

"Uh huh." Catherine nodded.

Grissom was rather suspicious, but decided to let it go. Sometimes with this group, it was really just better to be left in the dark…that way you weren't perjuring yourself in court.

"Yeah, alright then. Assignments are ready to be handed out if you don't mind heading to the break room." Grissom motioned for the door.

"Sure Griss." Came from everyone at the same time- not suspicious at all.

He gave them all one last look over and left the room.

"Sara, what is the big damn deal about us knowing that you're pregnant?" Catherine squawked.

"Assignments!" Sara yelled on her way out of the locker room.

----------------

The rest of shift was weird as hell for Grissom. Sara was avoiding him, but everyone was, actually. Why the hell wouldn't anyone talk to him?

As he looked around the lab at his team, he began to think of all the things that he might have done to piss them off.

Warrick probably was because of the casino case he didn't get put on –cry me a freaking river.

Catherine probably was because of the memo he lost –what's new?

Nick probably was because Grissom made fun of a bird comment he made –again, cry me a river.

Greg probably was because of his being sent to a sexual harassment seminar for three days -why the hell won't Greg stop staring at Sara's ass?!

Sara most likely was because two nights ago he had burned the holy hell out of her casserole –the house still smelled like burnt cheese.

Everyone had a reason to be ticked with the man, but ignoring him completely was a bit much, right?

He went to find Sara in hopes of getting her to talk to him.

He found her in the AV lab. "Sara, can we talk?"

"Sure." 'No' was what she really meant.

"Why is everyone avoiding me? Especially you?"

"Avoiding you?" she laughed nervously "Oh honey, you're just being paranoid."

"No I'm not. Watch this." Grissom stepped to the doorway. He saw Nick in the hall and yelled 'hey Nick' to him. Nick went ghost white and darted off. "See? People are avoiding me."

"Maybe he doesn't feel well." She got up and headed to the door "We're going to lunch."

"Who?"

"Me."

"And who else?" he asked.

"What?"

"You said 'we're going'. Who is we?"

Oh fudge knuckles…Sara had just messed up. She wasn't going with anyone. She had planned to go alone. Apparently 'Mother Sara' took over right then and she referred to herself and the baby as 'we'. Fix this now Sara!

"Um…all of us. Nick, Greg, Catherine, Warrick and myself."

"I'm not invited?"

"No. We're avoiding you. Remember?" she gave him a quick kiss and quickly walked away before her nerves made her stomach fall to her toes.

---------------

Sara quickly found everyone else and told them that they had to go to lunch with her or they were going to die. They all doubted actual death, but didn't put some sort of physical harm past her, so they went along.

Catherine, quite naturally, was the first to speak. "Sara, what was the big deal in the locker room?"

"What?"

"With Grissom. Why did we all end up lying to the man?"

"Grissom…doesn't know."

"About the baby?!" Greg squealed.

"Yes, about the baby."

"Why haven't you told him yet?" Warrick asked.

"He wants to be married before we have kids and blah, blah, yadda, yadda. Its not like the baby is an accident or anything like that, it's just that…well, he's a bit sooner that planned." She shrugged.

"He? How far along are you?"

"About three months. I don't actually know that it's a boy, but I'll say it is until I'm proven different. I want a boy and so does Gil."

"Three months? You guys work fast." Greg sighed.

"We've been together for, like, two years Greg."

"Just tell him tonight."

"I am. I'm going to make him dinner and tell him."

"No you're not." Catherine said with a devious grin.

"Excuse me?" Sara asked

"No…we all suffered through Thanksgiving. We get revenge."

"That was all Grissom's idea you know." Sara lied "That entire thing. He put me up to it."

"Relax Momma. This is what we're going to do…"

* * *

Might I be getting better at ending chapters?! Hooray for cliffies! 

You all asked for it and here it is. Let me know what you're thinking! Reviews, reviews, reviews!

thegreatbluespoon


	2. So much hate

**A/N 1-** Well, just like 'A turkey teaser', I can tell this is just going to dominate the hell out of the stories I've got going right now. God, I love you people…But there is something I've got to straighten out. I will tell you this one time and one time only you guys- there will be no friggin' goats in this. Wrong sequel anyways you guys. 'Swoon or Fail' is where they _may_ (absolutely no guarantees) make a guest appearance. That's like my official legacy now -goddamn goats…ugh. Oh, and forget that it was actually Valentine's Day today too…it will matter later in the story.

**kakidoll **rocks hardcore because she's my beta…love her people, love her.

* * *

"Relax Momma. This is what we're going to do…" 

The team waited for Catherine to continue, but she just slumped back in her seat and shrugged.

"What Catherine? What are we going to do?"

"Hell if I know. Jeez, I'm not the frickin' Ice Queen you know. It's going to take me a while to come up with something good."

"Well sooory." Greg drawled out "Sure _you're_ not pregnant?" he muttered.

Warrick sat straight up and looked at Catherine with giant wide eyes for immediate reassurance.

"NO! GOD NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT!" she bellowed and whacked Greg with her purse.

"OW! God, you carry a brick in there?" he cried.

Sara and Nick just sat back and looked on as Catherine continued to beat the hell out of Greg and reassure Warrick that there was no way she was pregnant. No way in hell was she pregnant too…nope, no way, no how, nu-uh, only one geek baby in the incubator in that group.

Nick turned to Sara, while he figured they could have some type of one-on-one conversation. "Sara…this is messed up."

"No!?" she gasped sarcastically. "Really, because I thought this was all totally normal! You mean no one else hides the fact that they're almost three months pregnant from their fiancée because their co-workers want to get some type of sick, twisted revenge for a holiday dinner gone awry? Honestly, I thought that's how _everyone_ did these things Nick."

"Ha ha, I'm serious. You're going to go along with all of this nonsense that Catherine's talking about trying to pull off?"

"I don't know what to do. Look at her, Nick." Sara pointed to Catherine, who was now being pulled off of a loudly wailing Greg by both Warrick and a waiter. "That… that is a scary thing."

"You're pregnant Sara, she isn't going to hit you." Nick reasoned.

"I'd beat her ass if she tried."

"That's true." Nick _did_ know that it was very true. Hell, if Sara had nearly taken _him_ down, then there was no way that 'Stick Figure' Catherine would stand a chance against Sara.

"Besides, there are more ways than just fists to make someone do what you want them to do." She said. "Trust me, I've nearly perfected it with Gil."

"That…no. Don't tell me stuff like that. Ewww." Nick shuddered. The thought of Grissom having sex –gag.

Sara just laughed.

"I can always fend them off while you go and tell Grissom you know." He offered.

"And then have Catherine after us both for the rest of our natural lives? I don't think so. I'm just going to do whatever it is that she says to do. Besides Nick, it might be fun. Remember what Gil put you through that day?"

"You know Sara, for some odd reason, I highly doubt that it was just Griss behind all of that." He smirked

"Well it was!" she lied again. "I didn't want to lie to you guys…he made me do it."

"Yeah." Nick said unbelievingly, as he and Sara tried to go back to eating their food while the waiter was nursing the fat lip he had sustained during the brawl, and Warrick was seating himself between Greg and Catherine.

-------------

The six of them (geek baby officially counts as one now) took their lunch back to the lab to finish since they had been kicked out of the diner and some members of the group (wonder who) were actually asked never to return…ever.

As they all sat around the break room eating, they also all threw out random ideas for just how exactly to use this whole baby thing to mess with Grissom. You know, since he was the lone guilty individual from the Thanksgiving situation and all.

Most of Sara's ideas just included her fessing up to the whole thing so that he didn't hate her forever and ever.

All of Nick's included Catherine leaving Sara alone so that she could just go tell Grissom the truth about the baby. Gee, how honorable.

Warrick's plans involved more free beer, free food, and some of that crap Greg made, like they all had on Thanksgiving.

Greg's all involved Sara dumping Grissom and hooking up with him because, hey, Greg is totally man enough to raise another guy's baby. Especially when the mom is 'so, mmm, hot!' and the dad is 'so, ugh, old!'

Catherine's ideas all involved Nick and Greg shutting the hell up before both of them became rather ill equipped to ever make little nerd babies of their own.

"Sara…I have a question for you. How is it that Grissom has never noticed the fact that you're pregnant?" Greg asked.

"What?"

"Your…you know."

"Uh, no I don't think I do."

"Your thing…that you get…Catherine gets it."

"My period, Greg?"

"Yeah." He sighed with relief at not having to say it.

"Its not like Gil is all about knowing my schedule. All he knows is that he isn't getting sex and that's all he cares about. He stays away from me and we're good as gold."

"You said you're about three months though."

"Two months, three weeks and five days."

"He hasn't noticed any of that?"

"Because I'm not showing yet…dumbass."

"How long does it take to get fat?" he asked innocently.

"Excuse me?" Sara sneered.

"Oh shit." Catherine, Warrick and Nick murmured.

You do _not_ call pregnant women 'fat'. You just don't do it. Ever. Never ever.

"You know, fat. When do you start getting all dumpy and waddles and poofy fat and stuff?"

Sara pointed at Greg with her fork full of fruit. "Call me fat again, Greg, and see what goes down. Do it, I dare you to."

"I…didn't…-"

"Didn't what? Huh? Mean it? Didn't mean to call me fat?!" she yelled…damn those hormones.

"NO!"

"Well you've got…a fat…a fat head Greg! Fat head, fat head!" Sara started crying.

And then Grissom just had to walk in to the damn room, of course. Seriously, does he wear a friggin' timer for these situations or something?

"Sara, what's wrong dear?" He asked, as he knelt down next to her.

"Hor- uh…horses." Greg said. Horses? What the hell was that?

"Horses?" Grissom asked.

"Yeah…I was…telling everyone about how my uncle shot mine when I was a kid." Nick shrugged, as he lied, once again, to Grissom.

"What the hell kind of lunchtime conversation is _that_, Nick?"

"Exactly, that's why Sara's crying, cause I'm an idiot." Nick stated simply.

Sara sniffled a couple of times and blew her nose on Grissom's shirt, eliciting a gag from everyone, including Grissom, and told him that she was fine. She excused herself from the group when she began to feel kind of funny. She didn't tell any of them she felt odd though, because heaven forbid she ruin any plan Catherine might come up with to screw with Grissom.

When she got to the locker room, after a nice slow walk through the halls, she hit the floor running. She puked up everything she had eaten. Yay, morning sickness! Well, morning for her anyway.

Crap on a cracker if Grissom finds out she got sick at work, this was the first time she had any sickness at all. Must have been Special Education Greg in the other room that got her riled up. "_How longs' it take to get fat?_' Dumbass…how the hell did he even get a job there?

She made her way back into the break room to find it the way she had left it. Bruised-and-still-a-bit-bloodied Greg, bruised-and-band-aided Nick, my-girlfriend-so-better-not-be-pregnant Warrick, and probably-should-have-stayed-a-stripper Catherine were all being questioned by I'm-obviously-a-blind-fiancée-because-I-don't-know-my-better-half-is-with-child Grissom.

He was asking them all about how their cases were going.

Nick was running a case that involved a dead hooker, a partially cooked ham, headphones, an atlas, Nintendo, cigarettes, Rolaids, milk, magnificent blue spoons, left over birthday cake, licorice, and probably half a liquor store's worth of alcohol. When he started talking, everyone else was interested as well, but he lost all but Grissom at 'and she had the ham hidden up the…'

Catherine was on a case that basically screamed 'let Catherine work me!' Seriously, it was a case involving a stripper. What the hell else where you expecting? Duh…

Greg and Warrick were working a murder over at a casino convention center. Nerds as far as the eye could see. This was past the point of Trekkie and crap. This was bad and brilliantly awkward. It was the bi-annual ULA convention. Unicorn Lovers of America were some crazy ass people.

After Grissom got the rundown from the rest of the group, he turned to Sara, but just shrugged. Why ask her? They had already talked about her case at home last night...while she consumed a ridiculous amount of peanut butter, his peanut butter actually. Depressing really.

But, of course, Special Education Greg was going to have an issue…

"Why aren't you going to ask Sara?"

"Because I already know about her case Greg."

"Whooooo!" Greg whistled.

"Two years Greg!" Sara yelled, as she basically shoved her ring finger into his face. "Two freaking years! Are you seriously _that _slow?!"

Grissom sighed and gave in. "Sara, how is your case going?" he asked with no emotion at all.

She locked eyes with Greg as she spoke. "Well, remember last night, after we had the _best_ sex ever? Well, I told you that the dad looked good for it, but it turns out she was engaged."

Grissom blushed worse than he ever had before in his life. Why couldn't Greg just get it through his head that he and Sara did the horizontal hustle? Idiot!

Greg decided that Sara really shouldn't have poured salt into the wound and went after her as well. "You know, Sara, you two should be careful having all that sex you talk about having. You just might end up, oh I don't know, _pregnant_."

All eyes went to Greg, except for Grissom's. His eyes went to Sara because of the way Special Ed had said the word 'pregnant'.

"BUT, we're careful _Greg_, not that it's any of your business." She said through her teeth. She turned to Grissom and grabbed his arm to lead him out of the room. "I'm confused about something on the case. Come help me with it."

"Yeah, sure." He said and allowed her to practically drag him out of the room.

As Sara was about to turn the corner, she turned back and made the throat slicing sign to Greg. Everyone cringed in fear for Greg at that sign.

Sara was going to kick Greg's ass.

"Sara's is going to kill you for that little stunt." Warrick said.

"She can't do anything worse to me than what Catherine already did at the diner. Hey, you think they found my tooth?"

"I doubt they'll give it back. And Greg, do you not see what she did to this?" Nick asked as he drew an invisible circle around his face with his finger. "I used to be good looking, now Mandy is going to run away."

Greg started to speak but stopped himself. "Nah, that one is just too easy. Why did she get so mad about the whole 'fat' thing? Its true, she _is_ going to get fat." He shrugged.

Catherine shook her head. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"What?"

"You do not call pregnant women fat." Catherine spoke slowly. "A mixture of elevated hormones and insults is already a horribly dangerous combination, but when you add in the fact that Sara has a gun, a loaded gun, in her locker…Greg, you _really_are stupid."

"Pregnant women glow, Greg." Nick said. "I have a billion sisters and they will all let you know in a heartbeat that they are not fat, and they do not sweat like a fat guy walking up a hill for a cupcake. They glow."

"Glow shmo. Who cares." Greg shrugged as Sara walked back into the room carrying something behind her back…and smirking oddly at him.

Okay, so maybe he didn't care about her threat before, but now…she is looking at him awfully funny. And seriously, what's behind her back?

"Hey Sara. What, uh…what are you doing?" Greg asked nervously.

"Oh nothing." She smiled sweetly at him…too damn sweetly. "Just, you know, hanging out with the people I love _so_ much."

Okay, now everyone else in the room is starting to fear for their own lives as well as Greg's.

"You want, um, to sit down or anything? I know you must be exhausted."

"Nah, I think I'm just fine standing here by you buddy." She smiled at him again as she started rocking between her heels and toes.

"You…you're kinda making me nervous you know."

"Just hanging out, Greggo." She said as her arms began shifting behind her back…like they might be getting ready to do something evil!

"Okay, well I just-" Greg was cut off by three gallons of un-set ballistics gel being poured over his head.

Sara topped it off by placing the bucket firmly over the gooey mess, giving it a nice little one-two tap and taking her seat, with a smile stretched clear across her glowing face.

"So Greg, you were saying something about…?" she asked.

"Never mind." Echoed from under the bucket.

"Didn't think so." Sara turned to Catherine, who was still beet red from laughing at Greg. "Catherine, we still need a plan."

"I think I've got one this time." She said through the laughter.

* * *

A/N2- Yeah, I don't know if there is an actual ULA convention or club or what the hell ever. If there is, be a sweetheart and don't sue me, kay? Now that we've got that settled…out of court…my mood wasn't evil enough to devise Catherine's plan this chapter. I'll go hang out with my sister this weekend or something. She's a total B word, so that should take care of things.

I'm out of poptarts, cheer me up with reviews please!

thegreatbluespoon---has got a well over a foot of snow!!!!


	3. In the loop

My apologies to you all for this chapter being up a week late. If you know me, then you know why. Of course, thanks to **kakidoll**, otherwise this would be grammatically horrific. Oh…and thug love to Jersey…my, oh-so-unprofessional, fanfic therapist. **Chione of the Nile**, **TDCSI**, **xoxoPAUxoxo**, and Rosie all kick some serious ass and they know why...or at least they should.

Happy belated birthday to my favorite Aussie in all of Aussie-land. It must be nice being born right before Petersen. You know, he might be 54, but I bet you could still bounce a quarter off his ass. Anyway… happy belated, Em.

And where is my Hammie?

* * *

After she finished covering Greg in the mess and took her seat, Sara was feeling much better than before. The sick feeling was finally gone. It _really_ must have been Special Ed that got her riled up.

"Catherine, we still need a plan." Sara said.

"I think I've got one this time." She said through the laughter.

"Are you going to stop giggling and share?"

"Alright. During Thanksgiving…when you two decided to mess with us all…for no reason…whatsoever…why was it?"

"Because it was fun as hell!" Sara laughed. At the dirty looks, she quickly corrected herself. "For Gil, fun for him. I had nothing to do with it. Fun for him, I meant."

"Fun. And that's exactly what we're going to be having with this."

"Great. Quit stalling and tell us your plan." Nick chided.

"Well, if you're going to be like _that_."

"Knock that crap off, Cath. You don't have a plan." Warrick said.

"Obviously she _isn't _the Ice Queen. The Ice Queen could've come up with something by now." Greg pointed out.

"The thing is, is that Grissom could screw us over in a heartbeat, for all of this." Catherine said.

"All of this was _your_ idea and now you're wanting to back out?"

"No, that's definitely not what I'm saying!" Catherine shook her head. "All I'm saying is that we need to be careful about how we do this."

"I really don't care. It wasn't _my _idea. I wanted to tell him." Sara said.

"You're giving me free reign?"

"Like I said, whatever, Catherine. I have a doctor's appointment to get to. Let me know what you decide to do about this whole thing." Sara announced.

"Sara, how do you keep _that_ from Grissom?" Greg asked.

"What?"

"The doctor. Where's he think you're going?"

"Oh, that. Well, if I find out we are both going to have the day off when I'm scheduled for an appointment, then I take a bunch of our food and donate it to the homeless shelter."

"I don't get it."

"That way I can just tell him that I'm going out shopping. While I'm out, I get the food and can go to the doctor. Simple." She shrugged.

"What about when you can't do that? When you're at work and have to leave, what do you do then?"

"Lie my ass off…duh."

"What about Ecklie?" Catherine asked.

"Like I seriously care about him." She scoffed.

"Doesn't he get a little bit curious when you leave early?"

"Ah, see, there you go again, thinking that I really care about what Ecklie thinks." Sara laughed. "My appointments are always at the same time in the early morning. That means I never have to leave too early, just an hour or so. Ecklie can piss off. I just tell him I'm going to a scene."

"You lie to Ecklie?!"

"Uh, yeah. It's for the baby. I really need to go now. Bye." Sara left the group sitting around the table.

"I have a _really _bad feeling about all of this." Nick warned, as he caught the devious look on Catherine's face.

-----------------------------------------

Sara was running late to her appointment due to a traffic jam, causing the rest of the morning to be late as well. Some dumbass overturned a turnip truck on the freeway. Looking at the clock on the car radio, Sara cursed the farmer's driving skills –Grissom had already been home for an hour.

_Please_ let him be sleeping.

Sara had buried the sonograms in the bottom of her purse, with the others, well before she ever came close to their front door. If there was one place Gil Grissom dare not venture, it was into her purse.

She figured that, if he was sleeping, there was no friggin' way she was waking him up on purpose, or on accident. She really wasn't in the mood to play the question game with him.

As she crept inside, she clicked the door shut as softly as she could and locked it. She took off her shoes and jacket, hung up her purse and walked down the hall. She didn't hear any music, or the television, so things were looking up for her. Until she turned the corner into the kitchen, that is.

Grissom did not look like he was a very happy man.

"Uh…hi?" Sara squeaked.

"Where were you at?" he asked calmly, a direct negation to the look on his face.

Great, here goes Twenty Questions.

"The…scene, with um…it-"

"You weren't at a scene." He cut in.

"Of course I was." She shrugged and moved towards the kitchen cabinets.

"According to Ecklie, that's where you were. He said you were with Nick, which is what you told him. I called Nick, who was apparently left out of the loop because he wasn't at a scene with you. I called Catherine, Greg and Warrick too. None of them were anywhere near a scene, nor were they anywhere near you."

"So?"

"So…where were you?"

"At-"

"And don't say a scene."

"I was just out."

"Where?"

"In Vegas."

"Obviously."

She sighed as she began to make a meal out of ketchup, pop tarts and peanut butter. She really wasn't paying attention to what she was eating, because she was trying to think up some type of buyable excuse for why she was so late coming home.

"I got caught in traffic." Hey, it's not like she was lying…completely.

"Traffic? Is that the reason you left the lab early? To go get stuck in traffic and make me worry because you're over an hour late?" he asked, giving an odd look at the concoction she was eating.

"How'd you know I left early?"

"Probably because I'm not an idiot, Sara. I was worried, where were you?"

"I was going to go and get you a gift and after sitting in traffic, decided to do it another time. But, if _that's_ how you're going to be about it…"

"I'm sorry." He sighed. "But, you leave work early after a really, _really_ weird day and you don't tell me where you're going. Then you come home late. I thought maybe something happened to you. I tried calling your phone a hundred times, but it was shut off."

"You can't have them on at the-" she stopped herself, she had already said too much.

"Excuse me?"

"What?" she asked innocently. She knew she had just messed up big time.

"Where can't you have your phone on?"

She looked at her watch and faked a yawn. "Oh jeez, look at the time. I'm beat. I'm going to take a shower and hit the sack. Night!" she yelled to him, since she was already halfway up the stairs midway though her first sentence.

Grissom didn't know what the hell was going on. Tired? It was only eleven in the morning. She was either cheating on him, or she was ready to be checked into a mental clinic, he thought.

He cleaned up the mess she had made with her 'meal' and went to make himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when he realized that Sara had eaten all of his peanut butter again. Damn it!

Sara didn't take a shower when she got upstairs. She went straight to their room, changed and got into bed. She actually was a bit tired, and she _really _needed to think. She had just succumbed to a whacked ass food craving, and ended up eating all of his peanut butter right in front of him. She had also let it slip that she had been someplace that morning where cell phones weren't allowed. It didn't take too much of a genius to make the short list of those types of places.

She seriously needed to start watching what she was doing around him, or he was going to figure it all out…and then Sara would have to listen to Catherine bitch forever and always, and what a treat _that_ would be.

Sara fell asleep eventually, and woke up a couple of hours later to Grissom giving her arm a little shake.

"Phone for you." He said, holding the phone out for her.

"Who?" She groaned.

"A very upset Catherine."

"Yippee for me." Sara sighed and grabbed the phone. "What?"

Catherine immediately started in on her for not calling and giving the group a baby update.

"You didn't ask for one."

"It should have been the obvious thing for you to do. Whatever, how is…he…she…it?"

"Um…everything…is good." Sara was being non-descriptive, since Grissom was still in the room with her. He might not be bright enough to figure out that she is pregnant on his own, but a few of the wrong words out of her mouth would surely give him a clue.

"Great."

"Did you only call to yell at me?"

"Okay, so after you left, I got to thinking and, eventually, I had the absolute best plan ever for what to do about Grissom. But ever sooo the spoilsport, Nick had to go and point out all of the illegal bits."

"Oh, god." Sara groaned.

"I know, right?! He ruined the first two plans I came up with, and then Grissom called me halfway through the plotting of the third, to ask where you were. You know, Sara, if we are supposed to be covering for you, it really might be best to let us all know about it first."

"I didn't even think about it."

"Obviously. Well, we just got to Good Times. We're all going to get trashed and see what type of plans the alcohol comes up with. I'll let you know. Bye."

"Bye, Cath." And she hung up.

"What was that about?" Grissom asked.

"Catherine?"

"Yeah, she sounded mad."

"No, she wasn't mad. Just…Catherine."

"Makes sense to me." He gave her arm a pat. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Hmmm…something with noodles. I'll come help in a while, I never took a shower."

Grissom headed to the kitchen while Sara headed to the bathroom. She stopped in front of the mirror to check out her stomach. Sweet, no more poof than normal…stupid Greg can suck it.

She took her shower and got to the kitchen just as Grissom turned to dump the boiling water. He almost bumped into her and one of her hands went out to block, while the other went to straight to her belly. Grissom dropped the pot of water and noodles all over the floor.

"Shit! Are you okay?" he asked sincerely.

"Yeah." She sighed, still not moving the hand from her stomach.

"What's wrong with your stomach? Are you sick?"

"What?" she looked at her hand, that she hadn't even realized was on her belly, and quickly moved it to her side. "No, I'm good."

"Sure?" at her nod, he continued. "I'll clean this up, you start another pot, I guess."

They fixed their dinner and sat quietly together in front of the television as they ate. Sara's mind was switching back and forth between thoughts of telling the entire lab of Greg's nativity scene fantasy and the thought of what the baby would look like. Grissom's thoughts were only of one thing- what the hell was wrong with Sara?

A few more minutes of comfortable silence passed by, and, suddenly, Grissom yelled out "Oh my god! You're _pregnant!_"

Sara almost shit her pants right then. No way in holy hell did he just say that. Right? Did he say that? He did? Shit…

"What are you talking about?" Sara chuckled nervously, remembering Catherine.

"No phones. You were at the doctor. Pop tarts, ketchup and all of _my _peanut butter, that's nasty…unless that's what the baby wanted. Your hand went straight to your stomach. Sara…are you pregnant?"

"Um…well-"

"Not 'um, well'. Are you?"

"Yes."

In all the years that Sara had known Grissom, including the last two that they were together, she had never seen him smile they way he was just then.

"You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad?!"

"You wanted to be married first." Sara shrugged.

"Who cares?! My fiancée is pregnant!"

After a happy, hour-long celebration make-out session on the couch, Grissom started asking questions.

"So, how far along are we?" he asked, his giant smile still present.

"Three months."

Grissom's smile faded a bit. "You've known for three months and never told me?"

"No!" she said quickly. "I really haven't known for all that long myself. I was going to tell you, but Nick found out and then _Catherine_ found out."

"When were you going to tell me?"

"Uh…when all else failed."

"So, everyone knows about my kid, except for me?"

"Basically."

"That's messed up."

"That's not the messed up part." She sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"Catherine had this brilliant idea to use this whole thing to get you back for what you did to them on Thanksgiving."

"What _I_ did to them?"

"Oh, honey, details aren't important. Just know that they have it out for you."

"No." Grissom got that look in his eyes. "I've got it out for them."

"What?"

"Thanksgiving all over again." He smiled.

* * *

What's that? Is that…why yes, I do believe that was a bit of a twisty! 

Once again, I say that the friggin review button is _purple_…and that you should click it.

thegreatbluespoon


	4. Baby Mama Drama

Though Kim had a **major** 'duh' moment…she still did a sweet ass beta job, and I thank her for it. Rosie gets HUGE props from me for a line in here. I changed it up, but it's the thought that counts and blah, blah. Thanks, my special little friend. Chione…well, she rocks too.

According to the reviews…you liked the little twist. Cool beans. Thanks a ton for all of the reviews that I've gotten so far, they make my day. The fact that I made people laugh makes me happier than a fanfic writer after a shaving scene. I hope you all enjoy this chapter as well!

* * *

"What if it's a boy?" Nick asked before he took his seat. 

"You think it'll look like Grissom?" Catherine asked.

"Oh man, poor kid." Warrick laughed at the thought of a little Grissom look alike. "What if it's a girl?"

"Griss will be beating the boys back with a bug covered stick if she looks like Sara." Greg sighed.

"God, Greg, get over it. Sara is _not_ going to start dating you."

"Hey, you don't know that!" Greg shouted.

"Uh, yeah, we kind of do. Notice the ring on her finger, baby in her belly and the guy whose arm she's on? Those things pretty much tell us that she's not going to date you…ever. Get over it and just be friends with her, you stalker."

"You don't have to say it like that." Greg slumped in his seat.

"Ah, it'll be okay, Greg." Sara said, smirking, as she joined the rest of them in the break room.

"I'll get over it eventually." He smiled.

"Where's Grissom?" Nick asked.

Sara gave Nick a look that said she couldn't care less about where Grissom was and took her seat.

"Something wrong, Sara?"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You look…not mad, upset maybe."

"Nope. Great." She said, as Grissom finally made his way in.

"Sorry I'm so late. I had… _things_ I was dealing with." He said, giving Sara a sharp look she seemed to ignore, but one that didn't go unnoticed by everyone else.

"Something wrong, Griss?"

"Nope. Great." He said simply.

Everyone else took their seats, and one by one, Grissom and the team got the rundown of how the cases were going.

Nick was first…

"It all seemed random at first, but everything played a part."

"Well, you'll need to explain it all to us. It certainly seems random to me. I mean…spoons, cake and cigarettes?" Grissom asked.

"No. You're simplifying it all." Nick said.

"Don't confuse us, Nick." Catherine chided.

"No kidding. You want help, then explain, please." Warrick said, as he handed Sara and Greg the pictures he was looking at.

"Sorry. Okay…the spoons were blue spoons. Not just plain blue spoons, but these were really great blue spoons."

"Magnificent things a hooker couldn't afford." Grissom proposed.

"Exactly. The gift giver is a suspect." Nick said.

"And the cake?" Sara asked.

Nick didn't answer immediately, since he was looking at Grissom. Every time Sara would reach for a photo, and especially when she spoke just then, Grissom would shoot her a not-so-loving look.

"Nick?" Sara asked.

"Uh…yeah?" he shook his head.

"Where you at, buddy?" Greg laughed.

"Nothing. Nowhere, I mean. The cake, uh, was a birthday cake. The vic didn't have a birthday for another five months, so it obviously wasn't hers. Over half of the cake was eaten and the date on the cake was the same as the day she died. I'm thinking party."

"Good list of witnesses." Sara said with a shrug.

"Duh." Grissom snorted.

That was definitely a conversation stopper.

No one spoke, no one moved. Well, they did move, technically. Blinking in disbelief counts as movement, right? Did Grissom really just tell a member of his team (we'll try and ignore the fact that he's _engaged _to this one) 'duh' when they had an idea? Ouch…

Greg, always able to be completely oblivious to the obvious tension in a room, spoke again first, "Cigarettes?"

"They, uh, weren't her brand?" Catherine asked as she read the file.

"Yeah. Those are the three most important things out of the 'random' items from the scene." Nick said.

"Great. You're obviously at a good point to go from." Grissom said. "Warrick, Greg, what is this…uh, unicorn thing?"

Sara laughed a bit.

Greg went to talk, but was cut off by Grissom. "Problem, Sara?"

She cleared her throat. "What?"

"You're laughing. Do you have something to say, something to add, perhaps?" his tone indicating he was not too happy.

"No, I'm good." She set her tone to match his.

The rest of the team exchanged odd looks before Grissom gave Greg the okay to continue.

"Victim was stabbed in the face with a horn." He said.

"After Greg finished making jokes about everyone at the convention being 'horny', we got started on interviews." Warrick said.

"And?"

"The horn, that was still in the vic's face, was neon rainbow-colored."

"With glitter and jewels."

"Sounds tacky." Sara said with a laugh, and was joined by all but Grissom.

"Sara, do you mind?" he snapped.

"Excuse me?"

"Someone is dead and you're making jokes and laughing."

"I'm not the only-" she started.

"Greg, Warrick, continue." Grissom said.

"Uh…the horn…isn't common." Warrick said slowly, as he was still in shock at Grissom's behavior towards Sara.

"Yeah…according to everyone interviewed, only three people at the convention had a horn like it."

"Brass after them?" Grissom asked.

"Sure is."

"Good then. Catherine…strippers." He sighed.

"Solved it." She said proudly.

"Already?" Sara and Greg asked in unison.

"Why are you doubting her, Sara?" Grissom asked.

Sara's jaw dropped. "What the-"

"It wasn't that hard of a case. Even you could have solved it this quickly." He said.

_Everyone's_ jaws dropped at that.

"Just what in the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?!" she yelled

"Maybe it means to zip it about how well everyone else does their jobs, and learn to concentrate on your own problems." He snapped back.

This last comment of Grissom's initiated a staring contest between him and Sara. The other four looked at each other in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, one of them knew what the hell was going on. Nope, not a clue…

Two minutes ticked by. Three minutes came and went. By minute four of the stare fest, Greg thought he was going to piss himself, Warrick though he was going to have to take up gambling again because the whole night was full of things too good _not_ to bet on. Catherine, for once in her life, didn't know what to think, and Nick thought he was going to cry, since he was seated, rather awkwardly, between Grissom and Sara.

Thank God for Judy!

"Doctor Grissom, you have a message." She said, as she entered the room.

"Careful, Judy, you might do your job wrong around me." Sara said, never taking her eyes off of Grissom.

"Um…yeah, okay." Judy gave Grissom the message and got out of the room. She was never really comfortable being in any room with the entire team in it…that's usually when the really freaky experiments went down.

Grissom finally took his eyes off of Sara and read the message.

"What's it say?"

Grissom rolled his eyes. "Are you serious?"

"What?"

"Greg…a tooth?" Grissom asked in disbelief.

"My tooth? They found it?!"

"Greg, do you want your tooth back?"

Greg looked surprised. "What?"

"Message from the diner." Grissom waived the paper in his hand. "Apparently you got a tooth knocked out over a baby. You aren't allowed back in the diner, but, according to the phone call you made to them earlier in the day, you want the tooth back. That's gross, Greg."

"I want my tooth."

"They say I can go get it."

"Sweet!" Greg smiled. "I want it back, will you go get it for me?"

"Yes." He groaned. "What's all this business about the baby, though?"

All eyes went to Sara.

"Why is everyone looking at Sara?" Grissom asked.

"Just…"

"Cause…"

"The…"

"Um…"

"Tooth…"

Everyone took a shot a stuttering out a story…and all failed miserably. But, Grissom liked Greg's attempt the best.

"Tooth?" he asked Greg.

"Yes. It…um…you see, the thing about that is…that-"

"Greg!" Grissom yelled.

"Sorry."

"Just talk."

"We were at the diner and…" Greg paused to think of a good lie. "…Sara was playing with a baby there."

Grissom snorted at that. "Yeah, and I've got a tarantula that poops rainbows."

Greg started to yell at Grissom that that was _his_ line, but Sara got to Grissom first.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" she asked.

"You may want kids, but you don't touch other people's kids." Grissom explained. "You aren't a people person."

"Just what is your problem today?"

"You know what it is, Sara."

The team sat back and watched the verbal tennis match begin.

"This is about last night, right?" she asked.

Greg's mouth managed to form a perfect 'O', despite the smirk on his cocky little face.

"Yes, last night."

"All I said was that the fiancée could have done it." She sighed.

"No. You said more than just that. You said it was because men are dumbasses and then you went on some big feminist trip, taking it out on me."

"I apologized to you for that."

"After you slapped me." Grissom said.

Now everyone's mouth formed a perfect 'O'. She _hit_ him?!

"I can't believe you're bringing that up in front of everyone like this."

"I never accepted your apology, and I don't care to. I think everyone has a right to know how you handle your arguments, Sara."

She stood up quickly. "I'm done."

"What?" he asked.

"Just what I said. I'm _done_."

"Excuse me?"

"You're making a fool out of me in front of everyone."

"And you're not doing the same to me?"

"Like you really needed help, Grissom."

"You're not done with me yet." Grissom stood too. "Give me my ring back." He demanded.

Gasps filled the room. The end of Grissom and Sara? What the hell?!

Sara took the ring off of her finger and dropped it in his hand. "You're an ass." She hissed before she turned and walked out.

"I am so god damn glad we didn't get married." He sighed as he gathered his things. "Thank god we didn't actually have kids together. Could you just freaking imagine?" he asked rhetorically, and left the room as well.

Nick, Greg, Catherine and Warrick all sat still and silent for a good ten minutes before Nick finally blurted out "Told ya'll so."

-----------------------

Two hours later, Grissom sat in the townhouse while Sara leaned back into him, her ring back on her finger, as she gave into another ketchup/poptart/peanut butter craving.

"So…think they fell for it?"

* * *

-gasp- Told you Grissom was getting devious. 

Reviews, suggestions, and more reviews, people!

OH! How the hell could I forget? Okay…TDCSI and myself have gotten together and started a story. Our pen name –wait for it- is thegreatTDCSI…friggin' original as all get out, right? Anywho, the story is rated M, but you'll be getting over that right about…now. We'll be posting it in a little while. Read it…and review it too. Thanks, dearies.

thegreatbluespoon


	5. An Odd Threesome

After (insert favorite deity here) decided it was time to finally grace me with a half-assed social life, they decided that it was also time to grace me with the feeling that Death had dropped kicked me in the friggin head. I felt like shit, but now I feel grand, so here's your new chapter.

Thanks to kakidoll for the beta, to Chione of the Nile for her maternal instincts ; ), to RenLissa for her idea (hope you like how I threw it in here), to TDCSI for the harassment throughout it all, and to all of you that just blatantly ignored the fact that I asked for no PMs and sent me well wishes anyways.

The reviews, oh my, the reviews. You people make my silly little day with those fantastic reviews of yours. We've nearly broken 100, a feat I never thought I'd accomplish, so lets just keep on keepin' on and crack the triple digits, shall we?

* * *

It had been three days since the charade in the break room (that still had everyone in the lab fooled) and Grissom and Sara were late getting to work. It's hard to pretend fight for everyone, you know.

So, with Bossman not being there yet, Catherine was in charge. But she wasn't ready yet, so she, Warrick and Nick headed off to get ready.

Had you walked into the locker room that evening with the three of them, you would have seen Greg practicing in front of a mirror this time.

Nick, Catherine and Warrick stood a row of lockers behind him, and fought hard to bite back laughter at the terrible pick-up lines he was practicing.

At 'You got a Band-Aid? Cause I scraped my knee falling for you,' Catherine finally lost it and blew their cover.

"Greg, that…no!" she shook her head and laughed at him.

"Why are you practicing pick-up lines at work? And bad pick-up lines at that?"

A very happy/devious grin crossed Greg's face as he replied, "Sara."

The three instantly knew what was up…and instantly knew they needed to put a stop to it.

"Greg! You can **not** do that!" Catherine screeched.

"No way in hell man." Warrick agreed.

"Do you even realize how many different level of wrong that involves?" Nick asked.

"None, Nick." Greg began to reason. "You guys gave me three reasons the other day for why she'd never date me."

"What's your point, Casanova?"

"You said 'the guy whose arm she's on.' Well, Sara and Grissom blew the hell up at each other the other day."

"He's right. Sara isn't exactly the biggest fan of Grissom right now."

"Damn right, I'm right. Then you said something about the ring on her finger."

"And Sara seemed like she couldn't get the damn thing off fast enough yesterday." Catherine sighed.

"So…she's free now!" Greg exclaimed with a mile-wide grin.

"You're forgetting a _huge_ detail, pimp."

"What?"

"The baby." Catherine said with a 'duh' twinge to her voice.

Greg waived the statement off. "That's not even an issue."

"How is _that_ not an issue?! She's pregnant!"

"With a child that the father, who also happens to be your boss, knows nothing about, by the way."

Greg thought about that for a minute. "Okay…I can see how _that_ might be an issue, but not the pregnancy in general. It doesn't bother me. Like I said the other day, when we got back from the diner, I can totally raise another guy's kid…especially if it's with Sara."

"You're demented, Greg."

"So what? I'm asking her out." He said proudly.

"No." Catherine shook her head adamantly. "And not just no, hell no. I won't allow it."

"You can't stop me from asking her out."

"Greg, think about your chances on this. I mean, honestly think about your chances." Warrick said.

Greg looked slightly confused. "I'm not quite following you."

Nick sighed' "Do you really think you've even got a hooker's chance at Heaven at getting Sara to date you?"

"Why the hell not? I might not be some dark chocolate mac daddy, or some down home southern lover, but I've got a lot going for me!" Greg objected.

"Greg, remember that Fourth of July party we had two years ago?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah, the one at your house."

"The same one where you asked Sara to dance and she laughed at you, Greg." Warrick said.

"Well, in all fairness, I would've laughed at him too. Every time Greg dances, I half expect the paramedics to show up looking for 'the guy having a seizure.'" Nick laughed.

"Okay, you guys suck. For one thing, my dancing skills are damn fine and you know it. Be jealous all you want. For another thing, examples from two years ago are totally void. Sara and Grissom were already together. She had to pretend to ignore her feelings for me." Greg said…and got laughed at by all three others.

"You do have a half-assed point, I guess."

"I got one." Nick said proudly. "The pool party I had when I got my place four years ago…when they weren't together."

Greg's face went red and he pretended not to know what Nick was talking about.

"Damn right, we've got you on this one, Greg."

"No one was supposed to ever mention that party again." Greg said nervously.

"But we have. Now, admit it…your chances are total crap."

"You three are basing my chances with her off of one event. However horrific it was, it was still only one event at a party that was four years ago. How is that fair?" he whined.

"You really need more examples? Trust me, we've got more examples."

"August seventeenth."

"Of which year?"

"Exactly. Don't forget about January fourth, February twenty-sixth, March eleventh, I believe we were ordered by Grissom not to ever discuss the happenings on the night of April tenth."

"Oh! May, now May was the absolute best by far."

"I get it!" Greg yelled. "I've screwed up and embarrassed the hell out of myself basically every month."

"More than once a month."

"I said I get it."

"Greg, we're just trying to save you some humiliation. Besides, don't you want to help get Sara and Grissom back together?"

"Hell no! That kinda kills my chances with her, now doesn't it?"

"Greg." Catherine said sweetly.

"Forget it. Your stripper charms have no effect on me. I'm asking her out. _If_, not when, she says no…then I'll consider helping you with getting them back together. For the baby geek's sake, of course."

"Of course, Greg."

Greg gave himself one last look over in his locker mirror before heading off to find Sara.

"Sometimes I really wonder how he got a job here."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As a semi-confident (thanks to the non-help of certain co-workers) Greg perused the halls, Nick, Catherine and Warrick were beginning work on 'Operation Grissom Sara Reunion' or 'GSR' for short. They thought it was cute to name it that.

Warrick liked to point out the fact that Nick had been right about the entire baby situation. That, if Sara had just told Grissom, things probably wouldn't be the way they were.

Nick, of course, still liked to point out that he had been right about the whole baby situation.

Catherine still liked to tell Nick that he was about to not be able to make babies of his own.

"Planning needs to be precise…Grissom and Sara aren't exactly stupid people. Well, Grissom doesn't even know that he's going to be a dad yet, but he's smart enough to figure us out if he wants."

"Catherine, I know I stopped you before when it came to anything illegal-"

"And _fun_." She cut in.

"Anything illegal and fun, but this time, go all out if you wish. I won't stop you. They belong together." Nick said.

"Wow, Nicky, that's so sweet." She joked.

"I'm serious. You think anyone else is going to tolerate the bugs, the attitude, the hours they work, the death all around, and the caffeine heavy diets? Hell no."

"Nick's got a point, Cath. I'm down for whatever." Warrick agreed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just as Greg was making his third trip through the halls, he caught sight of Sara…which would be damn fine and dandy…if she wasn't talking to Ecklie's ignorant, bald ass.

He figured he'd just hold back and wait until Sara was done talking to Icky Ecklie. It couldn't be that long of a conversation…they couldn't stand each other, so why spend more than the necessary amount of time together?

A couple minutes into Greg's little spy game, Grissom came up behind him. "What's going on, Greg?"

"What?"

"What's going on? What are you doing?" Grissom asked again.

"Oh. I'm wanting to talk to Sara, but I'm just waiting till she's done talking with Ecklie."

"She looks…"

"Kinda sick…"

"Yeah…"

"You talk to her at all these last couple of days, Grissom?"

"Um, uh, oh no. Not…no, we haven't talked." He lied. Gotta keep that cover going.

"Oh, I was just going to ask if she was sick. She sorta looks like she's about to-"

Just as Greg was about to say 'throw up'…Sara did just that…all over Ecklie (and his brand new suit that he hadn't shut up about for the last two days.)

Choking back their laughter, Grissom and Greg quickly made their way to Sara to make sure she was okay.

Ignoring a vomit-soaked Ecklie, Grissom whisked Sara away to the locker room, and Greg followed.

They sat Sara down on the bench and Grissom immediately started in with the questions.

"Is it the morning sickness again? Why didn't you tell me, Sara? You should have told me. I told you last night that you should have stayed home this morning, Sara." Grissom ranted.

At the last bit that came out of Grissom's mouth, Sara's eyes went wide as she looked over his shoulder at Greg.

Well, so much for their fun little game of deceit…

"Son of a bitch." Greg muttered.

"Greg." Grissom warned.

"You evil son of a bitch." Greg eyed Grissom.

"Greg, this is all you guys' fault."

"This is Thanksgiving all freaking over again." Greg sighed.

"You were all going to mess with Grissom and myself, so he decided to get ahead of the game and mess with you all instead." Sara cut in.

"You narc'd us out to your old man?!" Greg screeched.

"No! He figured it out on his own."

"Greg, just go tell the team that the whole thing is off. I'm going to take Sara home so she can rest. I've got to go talk to Ecklie now, since he thinks we're split up too."

But Greg didn't go to tell the team…he just stood there.

Remembering the zero confidence they had in him and the embarrassing memories the others just had to bring up, Greg decided it was his time to shine.

"Greg?"

"I'm not telling the team anything about this. I want in on it." He said, as a devious grin crossed the face of all three in the locker room.

* * *

Unless the deities go and screw with me again…the next wait won't be forever and a day like this time.

Reviews, people! Remember, we're breaking 100…because you all kick ass.

thegreatbluespoon


	6. Almost

Lots to talk about again…

Holy goat shit about those reviews, you guys. I never expected _that_ many. Lets keep 'em coming! A few of you mentioned taking a run at 200…hell, I say lets do it.

A lot of twisty ideas and whatnot from a lot of you…I appreciate them all. Except, of course, for when you suggested _exactly_ what I'd already written and made me feel totally uncreative. I was going to change it, but then I'd have to change the rest of the story too. Nope…

Thanks to kakidoll for the quicky beta. Thanks to all the rest of you too, especially geek.but.you.love.me. My favorite line in this chapter came from her. Happy belated to her, odeepblue, louised (again), and someone else…but I just can't freaking think of who!

And yes, (for Em), I'll tell all about those embarrassing moments that were to never be mentioned by anyone. Those will be after I figure out how to throw Greg's fantasy from the prequel in here. Don't worry, I'll figure it out…

I'm going home for a week, so expect the next update to be a week late.

* * *

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm kind of curious to find out what Greg's plan is." Sara said as she pushed the cart down the aisle. 

"I still can't believe you talked me into letting him plan the next bit we do. This was my idea in the first place." Grissom moaned, as he threw a jar of peanut butter into the cart. At Sara's look of interest, he added another jar to the cart, just in case she decided to get more poptarts and ketchup while they were there.

"I still stand by what I said before. I'm the one that's pregnant, therefore, I should get to call the shots."

"That is so low, Sara." He laughed.

"But its fair. You think poptarts, ketchup and peanut butter actually tastes good together? Hell no, they don't. The heartburn alone is enough to make me want to castrate you."

"That's nice, dear." He mumbled, and basically shoved her into the wall of toilet paper they were passing by.

"Jesus, Gil! I told you before, sex in public was one fantasy I was _not_ helping you out with!"

"Shhh!" he whispered, as he put a hand over her mouth.

"Whatthehellisyourmajormalfunction?!" She yelled under his hand.

"Look." He pointed to the next aisle over.

Catherine and Warrick were shopping as well. You could barely make out what they were saying…

"…date. That would just be too messed up."

"Yeah, but he'd actually have to get her to agree to the date in the first place."

"I really don't think Sara would date him. Pregnant or not, she isn't desperate."

Grissom looked back at Sara and whispered, "Who would want to date you?"

At her raised eyebrow, he took his hand off her mouth. "Excuse me?" she asked.

He rolled his eyes. "That's not how I meant it. Who are they talking about, I mean. Who is interested in you?"

She stared at him in disbelief. "Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Oh my freaking God, Gil. I thought I was teaching you to be better at the whole reading people thing."

"What?" He sighed.

"Greg." She said in 'duh' tone.

"Oh." He drawled out. "I guess that does make a bit of sense."

"Only a bit?" she acted offended.

"Sara." He warned.

"Whatever. Just get off of me. You're squishing me." She groaned.

"Sorry." He said and stepped away…just as Catherine and Warrick came walking by them.

They did a double, then a triple take, before they stopped in front of Grissom and Sara.

Catherine and Warrick looked back and forth between the two before Catherine finally asked, "What the hell is this?" as she motioned between the two of them with a finger.

"S- uh…shopping." Sara sputtered. "What does it look like?"

"Well, there is one cart and two of you." Warrick brilliantly pointed out. "So I second the 'what the hell is this?' from Cath."

"Sara was shopping. I was driving by here and saw that she was in here. I figured I would use this time to come in and tell her to come by the house and finish getting all of her crap out before I set it out for the garbage man." Grissom said.

"I'll kill you." Sara snapped.

"Alright! That's already enough, you two." Catherine stepped between them. "Gil, you've told her, now you can go."

Warrick and Catherine stood with Sara until Grissom actually walked out of the store.

"How did you not just deck him when he walked up to you, Sara? I know I would have." Catherine snorted.

"I wanted to." Sara replied.

"You gonna be alright, girl? We've got things we've really got to get to." Warrick said.

"Me? I'll be just fine…so long as Grissom stays the hell away from me, that is."

"You want us to wait with you?" Catherine offered. "We're only going to my mother's for dinner. Trust me, she can wait."

"No, really, I'm fine." Sara tried, but it was of no use.

Warrick went with her while Catherine finished shopping for the two of them. After they were all done, they walked Sara out to her car (thankfully she and Grissom had driven hers that day), and watched her drive off before going themselves.

Three minutes after she left the store, Sara's phone started ringing.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Are you just going to continue on towards home or are you coming back to pick me up?"

"Oh crap!" she laughed, and headed back towards the store to get Grissom.

"Sorry." She laughed as he got in. "They freaking babysat me the whole time."

"I know, I watched." He laughed too. "I thought Catherine was going to deck me when she walked up."

"Yeah. Good cover by the way."

"Thanks."

"One question though."

"Yes, Sara?"

"Why the hell do _you_ get the house?"

--------------------------------

Three hours later and Greg was knocking on the door to Grissom and Sara's. They had called him once they'd gotten home and put away all the groceries. Lots of scheming and plotting had taken place in the car on the way home…after Sara had very, very clearly explained to Grissom just why there was no freaking way in holy hell he'd be the one getting their house should, Heaven forbid, the two of them ever actually split.

Grissom was finishing dinner, so Sara answered the door. "Hey, Greg, sorry to call you right before work. How are ya?"

"I'm just fine. I was supposed to come over and check on Grissom anyways, so this is no big deal."

"Why were you checking on me?" Grissom asked.

"Catherine and Warrick said they saw you two in the store today. Said Sara looked fine and you looked like an asshole." Greg shrugged.

Sara choked back a laugh as Grissom asked, "What the hell? Why am I the only one that people have a problem with?"

"Because we all know Sara is pregnant. You can't hate a baby and its mama, but it's pretty easy to hate a moron." Greg explained with another shrug.

"Gee, thanks Greg." Grissom sneered. "Dinner is ready."

As Greg and Grissom sat and watched Sara pile more and more food into her mouth, and continue to make a terrible effort at a human form of speech with her stuffed mouth, they enjoyed their meal too. They all threw out some simple ideas for what they could do to Nick, Warrick and Catherine along the way.

"Greg, we overheard Catherine and Warrick in the store today." Grissom said, begrudgingly. Neither he nor Sara wanted to bring the subject up for fear of embarrassing Greg.

"Yeah? What were they talking about?" Greg asked.

"You."

"Oh?"

"Yes…and me." Sara said.

"Oh." Greg's face turned a bit pink. "What…what did they say?"

"That you wanted to ask me out."

"Is that true, Greg?"

He shrugged. "Well, I still like you and I totally bought into your whole stupid fight scene…so I figured that, if you two were done, Sara was free. So, yeah its true."

"What Grissom did was mean, Greg. I apologize for him." Sara said.

"What?! Hey, you went right along with it!" Grissom yelled.

"Sara…its fine. Really." Greg said, and he didn't even seem sad about it. He just seemed happy that Grissom and Sara didn't really hate each other.

Hell, rumors around the lab were that Sara had called and cancelled Grissom's back order for a rare beetle that he needed to complete a collection, and that Grissom was selling all of Sara's things, one by one, to Lady Heather.

"Greg, we want to use the date in a plan, if you didn't have one already."

"Oh. Well, my plan was to just beat your old ass in the middle of the lab and claim Sara as my own…but…your date plan is cool too, I guess." Greg shrugged. "What are we doing?"

--------------------------------

"Getting revenge on these douche bags is going to be so much fun." Greg grinned, as he made his way across the parking lot with Sara.

"Revenge…such a pretty word." Sara smirked.

"It is, isn't it?"

As they walked inside Judy greeted them, as usual, and they made their way to the locker room. A phone call from Grissom five minutes before let them know that their three victims were all there.

When they hit the door, it was time to start. Sara started the most believable fake laugh you've ever heard, and Greg held the door for her.

"Hey, guys." He addressed everyone in the room as he and Sara walked in, still laughing.

"Greggo. Sara." Nick greeted back.

"What's so funny?" Catherine asked.

"Greg was running date ideas past me." Sara chuckled. "He's killing me."

"I'm just throwing out ideas, Sara. I told you last night, you get to pick what we do." Greg smiled and opened his locker.

Three jaws hit the floor.

"Such a gentleman, Greg. I should've went out with you a long time ago…sure as hell would've saved me a lot of problems." She grabbed her gun and badge and shut her locker. "Well, see you at assignments."

Once Sara was out the door, Greg was instantly surrounded.

"What the hell, man?!"

"You're going out with her?!"

"No!"

"Yeah, we're going out tonight actually. It's going to be so great you guys." Greg smiled, shut his locker and walked out as well.

"We're losing grip on this situation way too quickly." Catherine groaned.

Nick or Warrick probably would've said something supportive, or somewhat constructive right then…if not for the yelling from the halls.

They ran out of the room to find Sara, Greg and Grissom in the doorway of the break room.

"You are _not_ going out with each other. I forbid it." Grissom shouted.

"Bull! You can't do that. We'll date if we want!" Greg shouted back.

"You screwed up, Gil. Let it go. If Greg wants to be there for me, then so be it. It sure as hell won't be you going home with me tonight."

Three jaws on the floor again.

Ecklie came out of his office and ordered that the halls be cleared and that people get back to work before they lost their jobs.

Greg, Grissom and Sara knew that they'd done their jobs by the looks on everyone's faces.

--------------------------------

As they sat around Good Times, they were still going over the possibilities of the situation.

"Its not possible."

"Yeah, it obviously is."

"How?!"

"Like I'm a freaking psychic! I don't know how it's possible!"

"You think he drugged her?"

"Oh yeah, Nick. Because that's a really reasonable explanation."

"It's the only one I can come up with. How the hell else do you explain Sara dating Greg? You can't! Hell, even with drugs, you still can't explain it!"

"What the hell are we going to do?" Catherine moaned into her beer.

"Ruin the date?"

"No…at least let Greg have some happiness. Just give the kid this one thing."

Warrick sat quietly staring into his beer.

"What the hell are _you _so quiet for?"

He thought for a second before he asked, "you think they're all screwing with us?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Think about it. They broke up fast and, like _Sara_ would actually date _Greg_." He reasoned.

Catherine and Nick thought about it for a minute and both shook their heads.

"Nah. Warrick, I think you're drunk. They're not messing with us. Greg isn't that creative and Grissom's not that tolerant."

Warrick laughed, "That's true. What am I thinking?"

* * *

To geek.but.you.love.me's bf…Josie did, in fact, give me my favorite line in here. Love her, she's friggin' brilliant. 

Filler-esque of sorts, but 200, yeah? I believe in you all…

thegreatbluespoon


	7. Crackers

Due to some majorly bogus weather all this last week, I never got to go running while I was home, so I just sat inside all day, listening to music that my parents abhor, and writing. That's why you're getting a chapter that you weren't supposed to get. Lucky I love ya.

Kim, as always, you rock for the speedy beta. I'll stop sending things to you at 5 am eventually. Pau, remember that line you gave me around…IDK, chapter one or so? Yup, finally used it and I love it. Thanks! Trudy…I don't even know what to say to you, other than…you kick a lot of ass and I better get a good b-day present. Madame Tipsy is not to blame.

As for the rest of you…I was in a wicked rush to get out of here and go home that I may have skipped over some reviews. I like responding to them, so if I skipped yours, be a doll and let me know. Speaking of the reviews…at this rate, its looks like we're just gonna bitch slap 200 and keep on keepin' on. And that is why I love you all.

* * *

"Did you print any of it?"

"No, I figured all the evidence would print and run itself for me, Cath."

"If you're going to be a smart ass, Nick, you can forget about the help. I could be working my old cases instead, you know."

"Sorry. Yes, everything has been printed. Forty three partials and two winners."

She rolled her eyes. "Let me guess. The good ones came from that damn spoon?"

"Yeah. That spoon is friggin' awesome." Nick laughed.

"You get hits off of them?"

"Yeah, Brass is bringing the guy in. You'd never guess who it was."

Catherine groaned, "Do I have to try?"

"Yes." Nick answered with a nod.

"Fine. Boyfriend?"

"Nope."

"Husband?"

"Wasn't married."

"Her kid?"

"Cath…did you even read the file? No kid either. You're not even trying."

She gasped conspiratorially. "The Easter Bunny, in the dining room, behind the piano, on top of the folding chair, with the pogo stick?"

"Now who's being the smart ass? It's the ice cream man. The same one that dropped ice cream off at the party."

"But you never found ice cream at the party."

"Because what's the first thing to get eaten at any birthday party?"

"Ice cream, of course. That guy is sneaky."

"If he is actually the killer, Cath."

"It makes sense, Nicky."

"Yeah, well that's the only thing around here that makes sense."

"You mean that whole date thing?"

"Hell yes! That's not still messing with you?"

"Duh!" she snorted. "Its all Warrick and I have been able to talk about. You know, we're actually starting to lean towards your drug theory."

"Well, yeah. Remember that time well all got Grissom drunk?"

"Sure. We took him to Good Times to celebrate the fact that he actually turned reviews in on time. First time that happened in three years."

"When he was plastered, did he tell you about some of the things Greg used to tell Sara?"

"Oh God! Like the thing with the nativity scene?!" she yelled.

"Yes! What the hell do you even do with half the stuff Greg mentioned?"

"_I _don't even know that, Nick, and that's saying something."

"I bet that boy could shame Lady Heather with the things he was telling Sara."

"That's no lie." Catherine wholeheartedly agreed.

"I always kind of saw Sara as…I don't know, like a prude almost. Then she got with Grissom and now she's pregnant."

Catherine just stared at Nick.

"What?" he asked.

"Out of Sara and Grissom, _she's_ the one you didn't think had sex?"

"Subject change, please. I'd rather not be thinking of either of them that way. My point was that she'd almost _have_ to be drugged up to risk being alone with Greg, after being told half the things she was by him."

"When's the date?" she asked.

""Um…tonight, I think. Why?"

"She wants to go, Nick." Warrick said as he joined them.

"No. No, we can't, guys." Nick said, waiving off the idea.

"Why not, man? Like Cath was saying last night, we go and watch the two of them and see what makes Sara happy. We tell Grissom what those things are…he does them and woos her, making her the same as Greg did. She's happy, he's happy…bam! Happy couple a geeks." Warrick shrugged.

"Isn't this like stalking, Catherine?"

"Only if you get caught, Nicky." She smiled.

--------------------------------------

They sat in Grissom's office for their lunch break.

"Isn't this kind of stupid?" Greg asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You two…together and civil." He said, pointing to Grissom and Sara.

"No. As far as everyone else knows, I needed his help on something. We're always civil about work." Sara shrugged.

"Oh…'kay." Greg said, before he took another big bite of his pasta. "You know, Sara, you've gotten a lot better at cooking since Thanksgiving. A _lot_ better."

Sara laughed, "you think…I…cooked this?!"

"The last time Sara cooked, Greg, well, lets just thank God for insurance." Grissom smiled.

"You set your house on fire?!"

"No, I'm not _that_ bad. It was just part of the kitchen." She shrugged, as if nearly torching her and Grissom's new house was an everyday occurrence for her. Oh. Wait, it was.

"Anyways, Greg, we…have a problem."

"What's wrong?" Greg asked, obviously concerned. "Is the baby okay?"

"The baby is fine, Greg. He's just causing some issues."

"Oh." He said, slowly. "Yeah…I'm really not following you."

Grissom sighed. "It's been about three weeks since we began this whole charade. That puts Sara at about four months. She's showing a bit now."

"You're fat now?" Greg asked.

"I'm _not_ fat, dumbass! I'm growing life inside of me!" Sara hollered and threw a hunk of garlic bread at him.

"Oh God! The…its in my eye, Sara!" Greg whined. "The garlic, it _burns_ really bad!"

"Life sucks and then you called me fat. Learn to deal." She said, clearly not in the mood for more of Greg than she really had to deal with that day.

"Sorry! Jeez. Go on." Greg motioned for Grissom to continue as he rubbed his eye.

Ignoring what just happened between the two in front of him, Grissom continued. "No one's noticed because she's been wearing her shirts a bit bigger. Eventually people _will_ notice and begin to wonder how I've not noticed."

"Everyone already knows she's pregnant. What's the big deal?"

"Its damn obvious who the father is. Once I 'know' she's pregnant, I'll just look like an asshole if I'm not with her."

"Kinda late for that." Sara and Greg mumbled.

"I get it. Everyone thinks I'm a dick. Fantastic. Can we move on, please?" Grissom asked impatiently.

"Sorry."

"Point being if we're going to keep having fun for a while longer-"

"And teach those jerks a lesson." Greg cut in.

"Just what did they do to you, Greg?" Sara asked. "They were using me to plot revenge against Grissom…but you never told us why you wanted in."

Greg sighed deeply. "Remember those…uh, occasions that Grissom told all of us to _never_ talk about again?"

Her face lit up. "You mean the one with the-"

"Sara!" Grissom yelled. "The point of telling people not to mention them is for people _not to mention them_." He chided.

"Well, the three of them did. They laughed at me too…started telling me about a thousand different reasons why Sara would never date me, or even be interested in me for that matter." Greg pouted.

"Aw." Sara said, and patted his hand. "If it makes you feel any better, Greg, I was about to ask you out…but then Griss pulled his head out of his ass."

"Seriously?" Both men asked.

She snorted. "Yeah, it was pretty far up there. I mean, how many years-"

"No. You were really going to ask Greg out?" Grissom asked, shocked.

"Catherine would've had my head in a jar on her desk if I would have gone for Warrick…not my type anyways. Nick is like my brother…friggin' ew right there. You were being an oblivious douche bag and Greg was totally into me…so I figured 'eh, why not.'" She shrugged.

"Wow." Both men spoke in unison again.

"Not really that big of a deal now, guys. Back to that whole 'co-workers suck'- thing."

Just as Grissom went to begin discussing what could be their next move, Catherine knocked and walked into his office.

"Well…um, I can see you're busy. I can come back." She said, obviously shocked at the sight of Grissom and Sara sharing a civil meal…and Greg joining them for that meal.

"No. No, it's alright. Cath, what did you need?" Grissom asked.

"I needed a form from you, and then I was going to ask if you'd seen Sara or Greg. Someone said they were with you last, but…Greg, what the hell happened to your eye?"

Greg threw a harsh look in Sara's direction. "Nothing." He said, his response like that of a twelve-year-old schoolgirl.

"Looking for these two? Well, here they are." Grissom motioned to the two of them. "What form did you need?" he smiled, knowing that she was thrown off by the scene in front of here.

"I don't even remember." She dropped her hands to her sides in confusion.

Sara was in his office…with him…and Greg…sharing a meal. Why the hell is he so happy?

"We're done here. Right, Grissom?" Sara asked as she stood.

"Um…yeah, I guess." He answered.

"Great. Bye." She said, and turned to walk away. She looked at Catherine on her way by and mouthed the words 'dumbasses' to her before she walked out.

"You needed me?" Greg asked Catherine.

"No, you stay here. I'll just find Sara." She answered and left to go find her.

-------------------------------------

Catherine found Sara in the locker room getting ready to head off to another doctor's appointment.

"Wow!" Catherine exclaimed.

"What?"

"You. Your stomach, I mean. Holy crap, Sara."

"Gee, thanks."

"How the hell has Grissom not noticed _that_? It's a pretty god bump you've got going there."

"Probably because he's a moronic fool that's not seen me naked for a few weeks, Cath." Sara snapped.

"Yeah…'kay." She said slowly.

"Sorry, hormones and whatnot. You needed me."

"Sort of. Your date is tonight, right? The one with Greg?"

"Unless I'm dating someone else." She answered, already not liking where the conversation was going.

"Where are you two going?"

Christ on a cracker...Catherine _would_ go and ask that kind of crap. Sara and Greg never actually intended to go on an actual date, so nothing like that was ever discussed. Damn Catherine.

"He and I are…uh…yeah, he won't tell me. Surprise, you know. He's such a romantic. Not like Gil. Greg buys me flowers and opens doors for me and all kinds of romantic stuff." Sara laughed nervously.

"Ew, Sara."

"Why did you want to know?"

Christ on another cracker…Sara _would_ go and ask that kind of crap. Catherine just wanted simple information; she didn't want to be on the crap end of a game of 20 Questions. Damn Sara.

"You know. Just…stuff. Like…if, Warrick and I were…going out tonight and figured it would be weird to run into you."

"Whatever. Have fun, Cath." Sara said as she grabbed her things and headed off. '_Aw, hell!_' she thought. She really needed to talk to Greg and Grissom before she left.

* * *

I know you wanted the date and this isn't the date, but I started to write it and it just got SO long that I hacked it up. You can't really be mad at me anyways. Remember how you weren't even supposed to get a chapter this week? I know, guilt trip.

Remember, we're kicking 200's ass...

thegreatbluespoon


	8. Faking It

Don't think of this as late…think of it as early for the next update.

Big 'ol whopping thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes…I feel so loved! Thanks to maricejayo for the most confusing line I've ever read in my life. Thanks to eleen for a line or two and for not suing me. You're a doll! Kim is my grammar hero, yet again…thanks for the beta! Thanks to Trudy for basically just being you. Who knew that nearly killing the world could be so entertaining? Doodling is the shit.

* * *

"Suave…I like it." She said, with an approving smile.

"I look like a dork." He said, tugging at the collar on his shirt.

"You look sweet. Accept it, Greg."

"The crap I go through…" he muttered.

"What?"

"I said I like your shoes." He lied through a smile.

"Oh. Well, thanks. Hurry up. Griss has got some big 'ol speech for us." Sara said, giving him once last glance before she left their bathroom and went downstairs to find Grissom.

"Where's Greg?" Grissom asked, after he stopped gawking at the way Sara was dressed.

"He's finishing up; he'll be down in a sec" she answered, as she made a move for the cabinets.

Grissom knew what she was going for and moved to stop her. "Sara, you're going out to eat with Greg, you can't fill up on the baby's nasty creation."

"You gonna be the one to stop me?" she asked with a sneer.

"Sara, you really don't scare me. I was around when Catherine was pregnant and _that_ was scary. You know damn good and well those three are going to be watching you tonight. You have to put on a show."

"Grissom, just give me the poptarts and…I'll love you forever." She tried.

He laughed, "oh, and you don't already?"

"You're withholding food from me, our status is questionable."

"Nice, Sara."

"Grissom, I look stupid!" Greg whined again, as he walked in.

"How do you think I feel every time Sara plays dress-up with me?"

"Its not that bad!" She yelled. "You look like a gentleman, Greg."

"Whatever. Can we just go now?"

"Before you do, I want to lay out some ground rules." Grissom said.

Sara rolled her eyes. "Told you."

Ignoring Sara, Grissom looked directly at Greg and started going over the fake-date rules for the evening. Twenty minutes later and Grissom was on inappropriate touching, "…and I'll break every bone in your filthy little hand. Clear?"

"Yes." Greg nodded quickly.

"As for kissing…Greg, your lips go anywhere near her, unless she needs CPR, and I swear I'll kill you if she's put in that position anyways, I'll bring upon you so many levels of pain, you'll wonder how I ever fit love into my pea sized black heart. Are we clear on _that_?"

"Good freaking Lord, Grissom!" he yelled. "Am I allowed to even _breath_ on this date, or am I facing great bodily harm for that too?"

"You want to chance it, Greg?"

"No! I want to go now…please!"

"Grissom, just let us go." Sara groaned.

"Fine. You can go now, just remember to put on a show."

"Sure thing. Have fun playing with the crib tonight." She teased.

Grissom muttered something about 'the devil incarnate' and headed upstairs to make his fifth effort at putting the crib together.

Sara and Greg took off towards Lonzerotti's Italian Restaurant. She had demanded Italian, and Greg was way more than happy to give her what she wanted. Fake or real, Greg was going to suck it up, for what it was worth.

When they pulled up, it was rather obvious to them that Nick, Catherine and Warrick had no future whatsoever in the spy business.

Sitting in the bushes that lined the windows of Lonzerotti's, the three were dressed in black…but it didn't help that Catherine was still glammed out in make-up and jewelry, and Warrick and Nick were still wearing their bling. Every time they shifted, the light would hit the jewelry and it looked like a freaking concert was taking place in front of the restaurant.

Sara and Greg ignored them, entered the restaurant and took their seats…that just so happened to be right in the line of sight of the windows.

-----------------------------------

"What do you think they're talking about?"

"Work?"

"Yeah, Warrick. Greg finally has Sara on a date with him after how long of trying? You actually think he's going to be chatting her up about work?"

"Well, its not like I can read lips, you know." Warrick snapped.

"Would you two shut the hell up!" Catherine yelled. "I'm trying to figure it out!"

"Like you can read them either!"

"Bite me, Nicky!"

"Can't we call Grissom? He can read lips."

Catherine smacked Warrick on the back of his head. "Why the hell didn't you think of that?!"

"So sorry! Go call him already."

---------------------------------------------

Grissom wasn't too upset about being called out of the house. He was about two seconds away from using the satanic crib as kindling anyway, so some time away would do him some good.

He went along with what Catherine had told him on the phone. That she and the boys were out having dinner and just figured that he might be hungry too. She invited him and, for some odd reason, requested that he dress in all black.

When he pulled up, it was obvious to him that Nick, Catherine and Warrick were positively out of their freaking minds.

Still in the bushes, Catherine was busy handing money to a waiter, apparently to keep him off their backs a while longer. Nick was peering in the window looking like a freaking Grade A Peeping Tom, and Warrick was trying to fight Nick for his position at the window.

Walking up, Grissom called out, "Hey, fancy seeing you here. Do you come to these bushes often?"

"Only when our boss is being a complete and total asshat." Nick said.

"What the hell is that?" Grissom asked.

"Apparently its something you don't want to be." Nick shrugged.

"Whatever. What are you three doing?"

"Trying to get you and Sara back together." Catherine sighed.

"By breaking how many laws?"

She looked at Nick. "Five?"

"Technically its seven, because of the bribery."

"Well, don't forget about the trip up here. Remember the thing when-"

"Warrick!" Catherine yelled.

"What?"

She dropped her voice and spoke through her teeth, "Grissom is _right there_!"

"Oh. Yeah, about seven." He nodded quickly.

"Don't _ever_ tell me what that is all about." Grissom pleaded. "Just tell me what the heck I'm here for now."

"Greg and Sara are in there on a date and we can't tell what they're saying."

"And?"

"That's where you come in, Prince Prospero."

"Just because I can read lips, I have to do this? Why?"

"We don't like you right now, but you and Sara were good together, and she and Greg together is just freaking weird. Help us to help you."

"Is that all the reasoning I get?"

"Because you love Sara and want her back…and because, if you don't, I'll kill you." Catherine said with a shrug.

"Fine. Where are they sitting?" Grissom sighed.

"There, by the fake tower thing." Nick pointed them out and Grissom was already pissed. Greg was a _tad_ bit too close.

"Well?!"

"What?" Grissom asked.

"What the hell are they talking about?!"

"I need more than two seconds." He answered calmly.

"Hurry up!"

After a couple minutes of watching them, Grissom explained that Sara was asking Greg about what had happened between him and Judy.

Apparently things were going well after Thanksgiving, but she got creeped out by all of his whacked out fantasies.

"That's because that man is a freak!" Catherine laughed.

"No one has any reason for half the stuff he was talking about to her."

"Shhh!" Grissom held up a hand. "She's asking him about the one with the nativity scene!"

"No way!"

"What is it?!"

"He's going over everything for her again. Three fruit lubes…something about at least he's health conscience, and there are options. Candles are for ambiance. Sprinkles are because who doesn't like sprinkles. Whips…whips are because who doesn't like whips."

Warrick cut in with a sigh, "Catherine."

After Catherine decked Warrick, Grissom continued.

"The syrups…he said, since they are delicious." Grissom said, with a shrug.

"That's it? No way, there was more on his messed up list!"

"If you'd stop yelling at me and look, they're ordering right now." Grissom said. "Is _that_ important to know, or can you do without?"

----------------------------------------------

"Isn't that Grissom outside with them?"

"Yeah. Wonder how he got roped into watching us."

"I don't know. Its sort of like they know we know, but they don't know we know…you know?"

Greg stared at Sara for a minute before asking, "What the hell did you just say?"

"Think about it. They have to have some tiny clue in their heads…they aren't stupid. But, then again, they _are_ basically stalking us." She shrugged.

"Yeah…I don't think they know, and I don't think we've got to worry about them finding out until we tell them. The only thing we do have to worry about is what Catherine is going to do to us when they do find out."

"I'm pregnant, so I'm in the clear." Sara laughed.

Greg snorted. "Show off."

--------------------------------------------

"Food's there! More nativity talk yet, Griss?"

"Yeah…ping pong balls are for after, in case they get bored. The false teeth…"

"The waiter!"

Just as Greg went to explain the false teeth, the waiter came back to fill Sara's glass…since she was downing her drink like a…well, like a really thirsty pregnant chick.

"Move!"

When the waiter did move, the four outside the window saw Greg with a smirk on his face and Sara with a totally blank look on her face.

"Now what is he saying?"

"He's explaining the three ring binder."

"And?"

"Something…uh, its about a dominating girlfriend he used to have. He had pierced nipples and she'd put it on them."

Everyone gagged.

"Now what?"

"If you'd stop asking, I'd just tell you." Grissom sighed.

"Sorry."

"Fuzzy steering wheel covers are cheaper than hand cuffs, and they're more comfy. Oh! The nativity scene…he played a part in one that his church did. Apparently that's when he lost his virginity. That's how the sheep are tied in, as well. His girlfriend was dressed as a sheep, due to lack of good costume funds, and now he just likes having a sheep around, so the blow up sheep is for that."

"Oh my God."

"What the hell is wrong with him?!"

"Oh God!" Grissom yelled.

"What? What did he explain?"

"The chicken and the rubber duck."

"And?"

"I think I'll go to Hell if I repeat it." Grissom said…being completely serious.

"Why?"

"You…you just can't do such things. I mean, it is just _not_ physically possible." He told them.

"Man, he's still talking. Now what?"

"The hairless thing. It seems that being hairless makes it easier to get the syrup off of Greg."

Everyone gagged…again.

"And all the alcohol is because he said 'in order for my girlfriend to agree to half of that stuff, she'll need that alcohol', and I think he means it."

"Well, no shit. That is some of the most messed up stuff I've ever heard." Nick muttered.

"Even more messed up than the party where Greg took the tub of butter and the ball of yarn out to the-"

"What the hell is he doing?!" Grissom cut in, yelling.

"Is he gonna…"

"No way!"

* * *

Ppfft, like you don't know what just happened.

200, right? Yeah…think of it as your belated present to me. : )

thegreatbluespoon


	9. Never Kiss on the First Date

So…this being wickedly overdue is kind of like a 'my bad' situation.

I can't begin to thank xoxoPauxoxo, Invisible Evidence, Hamlet's Pirate (always asking and asking), Tadploe24, jersyyx3, kakidoll (aren't tenses a bitch?), Fan of Grissom (you and your damn list), and TDCSI ( this title, harassment...what else does one need?) enough for the help they've given me on this chapter. I wanted to never EVER do it, but they talked it out of me and helped me out immeasurably. If this one is confusing to you…don't worry, I wrote the damn thing and its confusing to me.

My email was being special (like George W. special), so I didn't get a lot of emails or PMs that I should have. Its not that I ignored you all, you should know better than that.

* * *

Watching Greg kiss Sara just about caused Grissom to ruin everything by running in screaming, and throttling the life out of him, but the looks on the other's faces were just too damn good to pass up. 

Instead, he just played along. He began yelling something along the lines of 'I'm going to kill that perverted little, syrup-drinking, whip-liking, fiancée-kissing twit!'

Sure, Grissom really _did_ feel that way, but that was all for later…when he and Greg were alone…and there were no witnesses.

"NO WAY did he just do that!" Catherine yelled.

"Griss, you screwed up _bad_!" Nick pointed out…stupidly.

Grissom shot him a look that told him he better shut up right away, and Nick did just that.

"It's true, though. She isn't your fiancée anymore. You messed that up by being a jerk. She can kiss whomever she wants…even if it is Greg." Warrick said.

Grissom had stopped listening…because Greg had just friggin' kissed her again. _That_ was one helluva no-no right there.

Grissom actually did lose it this time and went for the door. His three cohorts knew what he was doing and knew they had to stop him, or they'd be at least one man short on nightshift.

Catherine jumped on his back, Nick blocked the door, and Warrick had to play defense with the waiter that Catherine had been bribing all night. The one that had now decided that the four needed to leave.

The waiter screamed something about calling the cops and Grissom replied with something that could surely make the Mafia repent.

20 minutes later and Brass was pulling up to a disturbance call at Lonzerotti's. When he arrived on the scene, he was the only cop there. Thank every God in the skies for that, because his relationship with the four wrestling outside of the restaurant window was the only thing that kept them out of jail that night.

Brass couldn't help but laugh at the sight before him.

Catherine was still on Grissom's back, and since that wasn't really stopping him (because she weighed all of 120 pounds…soaking wet in her winter clothes)…Nick was all up on him like fat on Santa, pushing him back while Warrick was dragging the waiter (who was just screaming his ignorant head off at this point) around the side of the restaurant.

"You guys look like you're having way too much fun. Don't I get any?" he called out as he made his way over to them.

"Shut up and help us!" the three team members yelled back.

"Yeah…this is too good to stop."

"Jim, I will happily kill you if you don't help us stop Grissom from killing Greg!" Catherine hollered.

Brass moved to stand in front of Grissom and slowly began to talk him out of his goal of maiming Greg. After a couple of minutes, Brass had Grissom convinced to go sit in his car and wait for him, while he handled things with 'that dumbass waiter.'

Things with the waiter were settled rather easily. Brass simply threatened to bring him in for accepting bribes. When he returned to the group of three spy wannabes, he started laughing again.

"What are you laughing at?"

"What am I _not_ laughing at? You three look ridiculous. Face paint, Nick?"

Nick shrugged and replied, "I thought it would help…and it looks kinda cool."

"Cute, really. So, Which of you ninjas is going to tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Bad stinky shi-"

"Grissom is off his rocker." Catherine cut in. "You have missed _so_ much while you've been away. Where were you? Never mind. Grissom and Sara broke up, Sara is pregnant and Grissom doesn't know, and then you have _that_ travesty in there." She said, as she jutted a finger in the direction of Greg and a very embarrassed Sara.

"I was at my uncle's place. What is 'that travesty?'" Brass asked.

"A friggin date."

Brass gasped, "No way."

"Yup. Grissom has been nothing but a dumb jerk to her since they split, and Greg has always wanted to jump that ship, so when they called it off, he asked her out."

"And she accepted? Why the hell would she do that?"

"She needs a dad?" Warrick suggested.

"Yeah, Greg is really who I'd want to help rear my child."

"He isn't that bad. He's smart and, on brief occasions, funny." Brass shrugged.

"He's Greg!" Nick protested.

"So why are you all out here?"

"We're trying to get Grissom and Sara back together so we came to watch the date and get some pointers. Grissom is the only one that reads lips, so we called him. Then Greg decided to go all Einstein and kissed Sara…twice."

"That's why Gil looked like he was set to kill someone. Nice. Wait, you said he doesn't know about her being pregnant?"

"Nothing about it." They wrongly informed Brass.

"Why haven't you told him yet? He needs to know."

"Honestly, I don't have a respectable answer for that, Jim."

"You people are twisted."

"Don't judge, participate." Nick said invitingly.

"Excuse me?" Brass asked.

"Nick, that is brilliant!" Catherine squealed. "Jim, you _have_ to help us get them back together. No one knows Gil like you do, so it would be so easy for you to do it."

"Cath, I really don't know." Brass replied, as he was really not wanting to get involved in any twisted plots they had going.

"It'll be simple. Just get info from him and run it to us. Things he thinks could better his and Sara's relationship. That way we don't have to do things like this, and nearly get arrested."

"Yeah, on the way down here Nick ran three stoplights and ran over a turtle. Why there was a turtle in the middle of Vegas, I don't know…but it doesn't exist anymore, that's for sure." Warrick laughed.

"You were the car that was running all those lights?" Brass asked.

Warrick was quick to add "Nick was the one driving."

"We had to get here on time. Catherine and Warrick took way too long getting ready, so I had to hurry." Nick reasoned.

"So were you the same car that nearly took out the old lady at the Palms?"

"Uh…is there proof that it may have been us?"

"Not that I know of."

"Then nope. Must have been someone else." Catherine said innocently, with a shrug.

"You know what, I'm so done with all of this right now." Brass sighed, "I'm going to make sure Gil goes home and not to Greg's apartment to wait for him."

"Are you going to help us or not, Brass? Operation GSR could always use help."

"The hell is that?" he asked.

"Grissom Sara Reunion. Nice, huh?"

"Sure. As for helping, why the hell not. Sara and Grissom have gone through too much for something stupid to stop them. He'd kill himself if he knew she was pregnant with his kid and he was doing nothing to help." Brass turned to leave, but doubled back to the group. "Don't let them out of your sight, drive at a respectable speed, avoid old people…and turtles, and for the love of all that is good and holy, and all that is bad and evil, do _not_ let him kiss her again!"

Brass followed Grissom home while the others stayed behind to make sure the rest of the date was alright. 15 minutes later, the check was paid and Greg and Sara were on their way out. Greg had his arm around Sara as they left, and she was fighting the urge to knock him out right in front of the restaurant.

Ignoring what Brass had told them to do, the three only followed Greg's car for ten or so blocks before they decided to head home and plot what they needed to do next.

--------------------------------------

"Your ass is going in with me." Sara demanded, as Greg pulled up at her and Grissom's home.

"Are you kidding me? You saw how he reacted, I'm not going in there to die." Greg shook his head adamantly.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have kissed me in the first place, Greg. What the hell were you thinking?!"

"Well, part of me was just doing it because it had to look real for the three dolts outside with Grissom. The main reason, though, was because I like you and figured it was my only chance. I do apologize, Sara."

"Its accepted…from me. For Grissom, a lot more groveling may be required."

As Sara and Greg made their way in the front door, Brass ran over to them to greet them.

"Where is Gil?" Sara asked, out of concern for Greg's life.

Ignoring the obvious question to ask her (like why she was in Grissom's house if they were separated), he answered, "He's in the bathroom right now. Greg…you have got to be the biggest idiot on the face of the earth." Brass laughed.

"I know. Can I leave now?" he asked.

"No. Your ass is staying right here to explain to Griss that I had nothing to do with your ploy." Sara demanded again.

"I'm gonna die." Greg groaned.

"Damn straight you are, you little-" Grissom finished his sentence in words that no one else in the room understood. Instead, he just took giant steps in Greg's direction, and stopped about an inch from his face. "What is wrong with you?"

"Uh…" Greg mumbled.

"What did I say before you left here?"

"Uh…"

"I said I'd hurt you very badly, yes? That, if you touched her, bad things would happen?"

"Uh…yes?" Greg finally found his vocabulary.

"You kissed her. You kissed Sara. Twice. What makes you think I shouldn't kill you right now?"

Greg offered up, "The fact that I know important things."

"Important things like what?" Sara cut in.

"Important things about Brass."

"What the hell do you know about me?" Brass demanded.

"Grissom isn't the only one that can read lips, I know a little bit when it comes to that trick. The others asked Brass to help them in their plans, and he agreed."

"Greg…you may live." Grissom said, before turning to Brass with a devious grin.

"What are you looking at me like that for? Sara's the one that just farted."

"I'm pregnant and gassy, its not like I meant to do it!" she yelled.

"Its fine, dear. Jim, you agreed to help them?"

"Yes. They told me that you and Sara were broken up, and then they asked me to help get you two back together. Something about GSR…"

"Jim, Sara and I are not broken up. We're just messing with them."

"But…they said that she was pregnant and that you didn't know. That you broke up and then Greg jumped at the chance to go out with her, and that she went along willingly."

"I do know that she's pregnant, and the rest of that was all an act."

"I don't get it." Brass shrugged.

Grissom, Sara and Greg began to explain the whole deal to Brass, since he was so lost in the matter. They began with the Thanksgiving dinner that he'd missed out on, moved to Nick's big mouth, the stolen ballistics gel, excessive amounts of peanut butter, not-so-stealthy endeavors with bribery, life-ending kisses, and eventually ended up with Grissom asking, "So, Jim, how would you like to join _us_?"

"Like, play both sides?" he asked.

"Yes. We'll mess them up damn good and well that way." Grissom answered, his smile getting bigger by the minute.

"Griss, don't you think you're getting into this a little too much?" Sara asked. "I mean, by the way you sound, I'll be ready to pop and you'll still be screwing with all of them. You haven't even painted the baby's room yet."

"I'll do that." Greg volunteered. At the 'hell no' looks he got, he responded, "What? I can do earth tones."

"I don't want to know, Greg." Brass sighed. "I don't know why I'm agreeing to this…but what do I need to do?"

* * *

It wasn't _that_ bad, was it? 

I forever love you people for all the reviews so far. We kicked 200 in the nuts and kept running…let's see what we can do now.

thegreatbluespoon


	10. What Friends Are For

So...things are going well for me right now. My beta _isn't_ dead, I got a new puppy, my new story is kicking ass, I'm going to Texas in three weeks to chill with TDCSI (and her hot neighbor), I've got ideas for new stories, but I've been convinced to do nothing with them until I finish at least a couple of the ten stories I've got going now (but the ideas haven't been lost, so that's why its a good thing)...see, things are looking up!

I would just like to say that TDCSI is one of the greatest people on the planet. She helps me to no end. This story has become one of the most confusing to write and it frustrates the hell out of me. I wanted it to go down in flames as I deleted it, but she convinced me not to do so, so thank her for its continued existence.

* * *

Brass stood slack jawed in the kitchen. 

"What's that look for? It seems reasonable to me."

"I thought so." Greg agreed.

Brass scoffed, "Are you all _high_?!"

"Uh, no."

He sighed, "There is no way you can expect me to go tell them that."

"Why not?" Sara asked.

Brass scoffed. "It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I'm not telling them that!"

"After we told you what has been going on these last few weeks, how can you say that this is the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard?"

"Telling those three that I saw Sara and Greg together buying-"

"Brass, it's really not all that bad. Just tell them and go. They'll probably be in too much shock to ask you any questions about it, if that's what's got you worried."

"What I'm worried about is getting my ass kicked for not having put a stop to anything or for them thinking that I didn't tell Gil about what I saw so that he could put a stop to it."

"Well, after the whole scene at the restaurant, I don't think anyone would want you to say anything to Griss about seeing Greg and myself." Sara laughed.

"Did you really have to bring that up?" Greg whispered to her. "Really, did you have to?"

"Greg, get over yourself." Grissom said. "Jim, this is not that big of a deal. I promise you that, once you've helped us this one time, then you can be done."

Brass didn't really buy that line, especially coming from Grissom.

"I'm serious, Jim. You help us with this now and I'll cut you free of all this. You can just help us out in the lab like you normally would, with no mention of all this."

Brass thought about the offer for a moment. "Do I have to help out with that weird unicorn case?"

"Well, if you don't help with that one, then you have to help continue on with Nick's case."

"Spoons and ice cream are better than unicorns." Brass muttered. "Look, I still don't want to do this. It's not a good idea."

"It's not like you're buying a one-way ticket to hell for helping us with this, Brass." Greg laughed.

"No, look, all I'm saying is that this is a horrible idea that I am _extremely_ uncomfortable following through with." Brass responded.

"I think it's a damned brilliant plan that they all have coming for trying to get you on their side." Grissom said with a cocky tone.

"And just what do you think they're all going to do once they find out that you three devised this crap to screw with them, Gil? Ever hear that little saying about how karma is a bitch?" Brass retorted.

"Don't screw up and they shouldn't find out anything, Jim."

---------------------------------------------------

"Jim!" Catherine yelled and waived him over to where she and the boys' table were. He took his seat just as the waitress delivered a pitcher of beer. He was glad she did because he figured it was going to take the downing of the whole damn thing to get him through what he was about to tell the three.

"Where are Nick and Warrick at?"

"Darts." Catherine said and pointed across the bar. "About time you got here. You said you'd be here an hour ago on the phone!" she yelled over the crowd and music.

"Yeah, sorry. Traffic and whatnot."

"Hey. Catherine, you owe Warrick ten bucks." Nick said as he and Warrick came over and took their seats.

"Nick, what the hell?! You guaranteed me a win!" she screeched.

He laughed and replied, "You should've seen the waitress that was flirting with me over there. Like I was supposed to be able to concentrate like that."

Catherine rolled her eyes, handed Warrick a ten and turned to Brass. "What is this big news you said you had to share with us?"

Damn, Catherine. Can't let a man enjoy some alcohol before he's going to want to jump off a bridge?

Having no alcohol in him, Brass lost his confidence…what little he had, anyways. He excused himself and went to the bathroom to make phone call.

"…and if I tell them that, then I don't have to tell them that I saw-"

"No." Grissom said, cutting him off.

Brass groaned, "Why the hell not?"

Grissom sighed on the other line. "Jim, it doesn't go with the plan. We came up with what to have you tell them days ago. We've had this worked out for a while. Just go with it, please?"

"Gil, I really don't feel comfortable with this. You know they're going to be asking more questions and I am _not_ going to be wanting to answer any of them."

"Quit being a sissy, Brass!" Sara yelled in the background.

"Am I…Gil, am I on speakerphone?"

"Uh, yeah. Actually, you are. Greg's still here, too."

"Hi!" Greg yelled.

"Dammit. Look, you three, I don't want to tell them anything about seeing Gr-"

"Just do it!" and with that, Grissom hung up.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, welcome back."

"Yeah. Gimme that." Brass said, reaching for the beer.

"Slow down, Jim!" Catherine laughed.

"Is the news that bad?" Warrick joked.

"You have no idea." Brass said and began to deliver the story he was sent to tell.

Beer slowly dribbled down Nick's chin since his mouth was wide open, Warrick nearly spit his beer out and Catherine actually almost choked on hers.

They simply sat and stared at Brass while he continued to drink his beer, seemingly un-phased by the story he'd just told.

After a few minutes went by and the story sank in, Catherine spoke first. "That…uh, well…um, why?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean why do they need them?"

"Yeah." Nick chimed in. "Why did you see Greg and Sara buying condoms together? Why would they need them? I mean, hello, damage is kinda already done, people."

"Not the point, Nick! If they have sex that means, rather obviously, that she and Grissom aren't getting back together soon!" Warrick yelled…and got some funny looks from other patrons.

"Jim, what else were they buying?"

Great. The questions were starting that he just knew were coming.

"Were they buying anything else at all?"

"I don't know. I wasn't paying that much attention." He said.

"Wait. What were_ you_ doing in _that_ aisle, Jim?" Catherine grinned.

Brass went a little pink at that unexpected question. "It's…next to…the blenders. I needed a new one. The two are like, two aisles apart. I just so happened to pass them."

"Oh. Well, then."

Two more pitchers of beer later and Catherine, Nick and Warrick had come up with several plans on how to crash, what she thought, was the semi-romantic night that Greg and Sara had ahead of them.

Brass had shot all of them down, for the obvious reason of the night being completely non-existent, but also because the plans were all formed during the downing of a hefty amount of alcohol.

"Jim, shut up and let us do something about it." Catherine groaned into her mug.

"It's just that you three really don't need to be doing anything right now. You're almost drunk. Just give it a little while." He reasoned.

"But you've been shutting us down all night…before we ever got drunk. It's almost like-"

"Like it…_never happened_!" Catherine cut Warrick off, gasping.

Christ on a cracker. Why was she actually smarter when she was drunk?

"Now, wait a minute. Cath, that is just-"

"Jim, are you lying to us?"

"What? Why…why would I, uh…no."

"I might be just this side of drunk, but, damn it all to Hell, Jim, I am not stupid." She poked him in the chest. "You lying? Huh?"

It took one poke to make Brass give in like a folding chair under a fat man. "YES!"

The other three started groaning and griping about random things. One of them hit brass with the bowl the pretzels had been in, and then someone said something about 'damn dirty apes.'

"Why are you lying?"

"Gil made me…well, in all actuality, it was Sara."

"Grissom _and_ Sara? Wait, what?"

Uh-oh. Was that too much that he just said?

"It, uh…you know."

"No. We don't know, Brass. Please, enlighten us."

He sighed loudly and said, "I hate all of you beyond what words can _ever_ help me express."

"What the hell did we do?!"

"You recruited me. Gil, Sara and Greg found out, because I told them, and they wanted to mess with you even more than they have been. They told me to tell you the little story about seeing Sara and Greg at the store to mess with the three of you, okay. I hate all of you. I don't want to be in the middle of this ignorant game."

"More than they have been? They've messed with us before?" Catherine asked.

"Gee, ya think?"

"Just when are you talking about, Jim?" she demanded.

"You honestly think that no matter how pissed Gil and Sara were at each other, that she would actually go out with Greg or that Gil would actually allow it? If you do, you are all certifiably insane."

"How long?"

"How long, what?" he asked.

"How long have they been messing with the three of us?"

"Look, I honestly don't know the whole story. What I do know is that Gil _does_ know that Sara is pregnant and that Sara is _not_ dating Greg. That whole deal was a set-up to mess with all of you. Everything in between was most likely planned too. Take it all however you'd like, I'm going home."

* * *

So, I know that this was fillery (that's a word because I said so) of sorts, but you'll get over it soon enough, because I actually have some good things in mind for the next chapter. 

Please, reviews are all that is keeping me going on this.

thegreatbluespoon


	11. And Again

Just when I think people have forgotten all about this weird ditty, I get another random review. Some of you are able to follow the plot, others say, "whaaa?" For the latter...In the prequel, Grissom and Sara messed with the rest of 'the group.' In this, Sara is pregnant and the group wanted to use that info to mess with Grissom as revenge because he didn't know she was. Well, he found out that Sara was pregnant and decided to play back at them. Greg found that out and joined Sara and Grissom against Catherine, Warrick, and Nick. Somehow, Brass got pulled into it and spilled the secret. Now we have it to where both sides know that everyone is messing with everyone else. If you haven't gone insane yet, you're here now in chapter 11.

Thanks to those who are still going with this. You're braver than I.

* * *

As Sara's stomach grew, suspicions around the lab grew as well. Three more months had passed and now everyone knew her secret.

There was no doubt around there that Grissom was the man responsible for the slight bump Sara was sporting. There was also no doubt that Grissom was officially in the lower levels of liking around there too. Of course, Sara didn't feel bad for him; it was his own fault.

She had told him to drop the act long before her baby belly had become as prominent as it was, but he'd refused to, even when Brass and Greg had sided with Sara. Grissom argued that, at his age, he needed something as fun as all that was going on to keep him on his toes.

Warrick's divorce had finally come through and he and Catherine were finally able to come out in the lab as a couple as well…not that they really needed to, seeing as they were just as obvious as Grissom and Sara had been before they fessed up to being together.

Greg and Warrick had solved the now infamous unicorn case. (Turns out the guy had been drunk and head butted a fellow unicorner. That guy, who was also trashed, got scared and took off.) Their presence had actually been requested at the next ULA convention coming up in a couple months so they could be awarded for helping the unicorn lover community. Greg was ecstatic, whereas Warrick wasn't exactly sold on the whole idea.

Nick and Catherine had been able to pin their murder on the ice cream man's female assistant. Eventually, the two had discovered the case to be nothing more than a crazy love triangle –plus snacks- gone awry. The assistant got jealous of the other woman, helped her plan a party for the ice cream man, and killed her when the opportunity came along.

Now that the confusing cases were finally closed, they'd moved onto easier ones and everyone's attentions had focused more fully on 'Operation GSR.' (Though the meaning had now gone from 'Grissom Sara Reunion' to 'Grissom's Slow Ruin')

One evening, just before the beginning of shift, Nick, Catherine, and Warrick sat around in the break room, drinking their coffee as they threw out ideas for how to overthrow Grissom and his evil plans. How dare he try and mess with them.

Just like in the beginning of it all, Nick's ideas mainly centered on everyone just leaving each other alone so that everyone could get things settled out.

Warrick's focused on helping Catherine do whatever she planned, because if he didn't, he was spending the next week on their couch.

Catherine's ideas were mainly about maiming Greg for helping Grissom in the first place and for continuing to do so now. Warrick had no problem at all in volunteering his services for such an idea.

Just when they had reached a conclusion on what they were going to do about the situation at hand, Grissom walked into the break room. "Good evening. How's everyone?" he asked, taking his seat.

They all answered positively and Catherine asked where Greg and Sara were.

"Oh, I saw Greg already and gave him his case. He asked if Sara could help and I didn't see any harm in it. They left about twenty minutes ago." Grissom answered.

Figuring that Grissom and his troupe had already planned out their next fiasco and that this case pairing was a part of it, Catherine brushed it off. "Okay." She said calmly. "What have you got for me?"

A little surprised that Catherine had nothing to say about that, Grissom handed her assignment to her and asked, "Really, Catherine?"

"What?"

"I just put my ex-fiancé and her supposed new boyfriend together, no questions asked…and you've really got nothing to say to me?"

"Nope. I'm proud of you, Gil." She said on her way out of the room. "We all need to learn when to let things go."

-----

On the other side of Vegas, Greg was spending his evening in a dumpster, handing evidence over the side to Sara.

"Hey, Sara?" he nervously called out.

"Yeah?"

"Um…how do you know the difference between a rat and a really big mouse?" he asked, taking careful steps towards the side of the dumpster.

She laughed, "Trust me, Greg, you'd know if it was a rat."

"Then this is a big ass rat!" he yelled and threw himself over the side, landing on his back.

Sara dropped her clipboard and squatted down as quickly as she could to check on Greg. As best as she could through her laughter, she said, "Oh my God! Are you alright?"

"Dandy." He groaned. "The rock hard pavement cushioned my fall."

"Sorry. At least you didn't land on your face."

"I highly suggest you not look in there, Sara." He groaned again. "Help me, please."

She helped him up and peered over the side of the dumpster. Inside, there was the biggest rat she'd ever seen gnawing away at an arm. "Greg…Greg, I think I'm going to be sick." She said and ran as far from the scene as she could before she lost it.

"I told you not to look!" he yelled down the alley at her.

Still bent over, Sara threw her arm back and extended her finger in answer to his smart assed question.

He laughed, "Is 'told ya so' not really good right now?!"

"I hate you!" she yelled and gagged some more.

Five minutes later, she made her way back down to Greg. "Are you empty?" he asked with a smirk on his face.

"God, I hope so." She moaned, her face as white as it could get.

"Well, I _did_ tell you not to look in there." He said. "Usually that means to, you know, not look in there."

"Shut up and call Animal Control, Greg. As soon as that rat is gone, you're going back in." she gave a devious grin.

"Just because you got poofy fat…" he said to himself as he walked away to make the call.

After the rat was taken care of, Greg and Sara finished up at their scene without any more incidents. They made it back to the lab and Sara decided that she and the baby were starving. Greg offered to take her out to eat seeing as she was with him when she'd lost her breakfast. She agreed and they headed off. On the way, they saw Grissom and invited him along.

Sitting at the diner, Greg was getting an earful from Grissom on just why he was not taking Sara out again for a while. "Last month you took her on a date and look at what happened, Greg. That was the biggest fiasco since Archie's pet rat got loose in the lab."

"Are you comparing me to Herbert?" Greg asked, obviously taking offense at being compared to a rat.

"Well, if the shoe fits, Greg. I'm saying that you're not taking Sara out on a date unless I plan it out and you practice it." Grissom said.

"I am not going to practice a date, Grissom." Sara protested.

"I promise you that I won't take Sara near an open flame this time." Greg said. "No open flames, no skewers, and absolutely no massage oils." He promised.

"There shouldn't have been any the last time, but if you can swear to me that no freaky stuff will happen…then I guess I can make an exception." Grissom said and left the table.

"How was I supposed to know that Elvis impersonator was going to release a flock of doves right when he did?" Greg muttered.

Sara laughed. "Greg, it was a month ago. Besides, I think they were actually pigeons."

"Well, tell that to Grissom. He tries making me feel guilty about it every damn day. Three dead birds aren't going to cause the end of the world." He said bitterly.

Grissom returned and suggested an idea. "…and even though they know we're setting them up, this whole thing is still fun."

"And foolish." Sara added.

"And costly to the lives of innocent birds everywhere." Greg noted.

"You two are no fun at all." Grissom scoffed.

"Gil, I'll be ready to pop and you'll still be messing with them!" Sara yelled. "What is wrong with you? They already know we're messing with them, so what's the point in doing this anymore?"

He shrugged, not really having a good answer. "It's creative?"

"Grissom, I agree with Sara and so does Brass. They know we're messing with them and we know they're messing with us. You can't tell me that this all still seems to have a point to you." Greg said.

"If they already know, then why would they expect us to keep going with all of this?" Grissom asked.

"Great." Sara sighed and slouched in her seat. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You guys are right. It makes no sense for any of this to keep on if they know it's all just to mess with them. But, and try to keep up with me here, if we make it all seem real, then we've really got them fooled!" Grissom said, his voice overflowing with excitement.

Greg and Sara just stared at him. Seriously, what the hell was he talking about?

"What?" Grissom asked. "You two don't get it?"

"Uh, do we look like we do?"

"I'm the guy that sets pigeons on fire during dates, Grissom. No, I don't get it." Greg said.

Grissom sighed. "Look, we set up a time, like a dinner or something, where we make it seem like we give up. We call a truce on this whole deal and then Sara and I get into it again. We make it seem more real than the last time."

"And then Greg moves in on me again?" Sara asked.

"Exactly!" Grissom yelled in excitement. "It's the same thing all over again so why would they expect it?"

"Why wouldn't they?"

"They're criminalists, not dumbasses." Sara warned. "This isn't going to work."

-----

Though they were all extremely nervous, they still showed up. Nick, Catherine, and Warrick all arrived at the restaurant at the same time, completely in the dark about what was going to happen.

"What do you think this is all about?" Nick asked Catherine, as she had become the ringleader of their group.

"Honestly, I have no clue. Sara invited me. Said Grissom invited her." She answered.

"Greg called me, saying the same thing." Warrick said.

"Me too." Nick said as they made their way in.

"Anyone else nervous as hell about this? Sara, Grissom, and Greg in one spot with the three of us? I foresee bad things happening." Warrick joked.

"Nah. It'll be easier than paintin' her toenails!" Nick laughed and pointed at Catherine.

"Excuse me? How would you know?" Warrick asked.

"I had chiggers one time. I asked her to borrow nail polish and the only way she'd let me is if I gave her a pedicure."

"What the hell?"

"Dude, ease up, it's not like I wanted to." Nick said as the waiter escorted them to their table.

Grissom, Sara, and Greg were already waiting by the time the three got there and that made them more nervous.

Once everyone was seated and their orders had been taken, Grissom spoke of business first. "Obviously we're all here for a reason." He said.

"Duh." Greg snorted.

"Greg, I will beat you down with your breadstick." Nick warned.

Grissom cleared his throat and continued. "Anyway, I figured that since you guys know what we're up to and we know what you're up to…maybe we should all just stop." Grissom sighed. "It was fun while it lasted, but Sara is just too far along for this to continue."

"Easy, Captain Obvious, wouldn't want you to strain your brain." Catherine said. "Just how long did you really think you were going to be able to keep this crap up?"

"I honestly don't know, Cath." He said. "It just needs to stop."

"Agreed." She said. "We would have won out in the end, you know."

"Let's not get into that." Sara warned.

"Where's Brass? Shouldn't he be here to witness us ending this? We all know how much he hated us for dragging him into it in the first place." Grissom said.

"I thought you called him." Sara said.

"No, I was busy making reservations for tonight. You were supposed to call him." He replied, a little mood showing in his voice.

Greg leaned over to Catherine and whispered, "They've been like this for the last month and a half. It pretty much never ends."

"Like what? What are you talking about, Greg?" she asked.

"The bickering." He said.

"Well, excuse me for being a little too busy to call him." Sara said with a roll of her eyes.

"What were you busy with? You only work half shifts nowadays."

"When your son likes to keep me throwing up every two seconds, I consider that busy. So sorry!" she snapped.

"It's a boy?" everyone asked.

Sara sighed. "Yes, it's a boy." She took sonogram photos from her purse and passed them around the table. "He finally turned towards the screen and I found out last week. It was supposed to be a surprise for you all."

"When were you going to tell me about it?" Grissom asked, completely offended that he found out at the same time as everyone else.

"Probably when you started acting like his father." She muttered.

At that, Grissom reached for his wallet and grabbed a twenty from it. Dropping it onto the table he said, "I'll see you at home. I hope everyone has a nice night." With that said, Grissom left with everyone else staring at Sara.

"What?" she asked with no sign of emotion at all.

"Well, what was that all about?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah, what's up with you two?" Nick asked.

Sara sighed and began to give her story of the last month and a half. A story about how she and Grissom were falling apart. Greg sat there, adding his two cents whenever needed and the whole time, Catherine, Warrick, and Nick never caught on to the fact that they were being played yet again by Grissom.

* * *

I apologize. There's only one chapter left.

Please, just review, don't throw rocks.

thegreatbluespoon


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